Make Me Feel Like Someone Else,
by 96.tyler
Summary: James, Kendall, Carlos and Logan are just trying to get by High School without to many injuries. Life always has other plans though... FRIENDSHIP. Rated M for precaution. AU
1. Chapter 1

_**Being on my major hiatus for… well it was a while, I have recuperated and come back with this little… Masterpiece? Baby? Piece? Lol I don't know yet, call it whatever you want. Either way I'm back and trying something a little different. This is going to probably be far more intense than anything I've ever written before and hopefully much deeper. Although I'm still me so you will recognize my fluff necessity and need to make the boys experience emotional and physical pain. The first three chapters of this are setting up the story and I promise eventually everything will become clear when you continue to read… so you must continue to read ;) ! Well, you at least have to give me four chapters, deal? **_

_**Warning – Swear words will be used (minimum though) and **_**may **_**get worse as it goes on. As always (I don't plan, I just write) I'm not %100 sure as to what's going to happen, but there is a fairly good chance things such as abuse, rape, self harm ect. may be referred to at least. However I'm a wuss, so nothing will be too graphic :D **_

_**Disclaimer – I do not own Big Time Rush *Sad Face* **_

"**Make me feel like someone else."**

**Chapter one**

Kendall sighed as he made his way down the lunch line.

Lunch time, the only enjoyable part of the young 16 year olds day. Feeding time…what could he say? He was a growing boy. He took a few small steps forward and followed the crowd in the long, cramped line. He groaned as he saw what was on offer today, some kind of mystery meat sandwich with tater totes. Could his school get any worse? No, actually could his school get any more stereotypical? He forced a smile at the overweight lunch lady who served his food with a scowl on her face. Even there school lunch lady looked liked she came straight from an episode of the 'Simpsons'. Hair net, scowl, unknown substances of meat all over her dirty apron and face.

He adjusted his beanie so it was planted firmly on his head, and with his tray made the way to the usual table. Everything seemed to be 'normal' at his school. Okay, maybe normal wasn't the right word, but predictable. To his left sat a bunch of over perky cheerleaders in skimpy uniforms that were far to reveling for the harsh Minnesota weather. Next to them were the football jocks, even wearing their mandatory bomber jackets that made there already large figures seem bigger. Together the jocks and cheerleaders only added to what was wrong with his conventional school.

As he walked, he passed the skater boys who looked like they came straight from the Disney hit 'Zeke and Luther', dopey grins and all. To his right, the emotionals (more commonly known as EMO's) who wore to much black and probably self harmed. Then the drama geeks, computer nerds, star trek nerds, Asians, minorities, stuck up girls, the girls who didn't eat, the ones who were kind of normal and so many more Kendall didn't even bother getting to know. His school looked as if it had thrown up some horrible teen drama movie. All they needed was to break out in song or a pregnant cheerleader and they'd be an episode of 'Glee' or bad musical like the one Zac Efron was in.

He shook his head silently to himself and took a seat at the only table he was welcomed. Some called them the 'hockey heads', the jocks called them 'wanna be football players', Kendall however just called them his best friends.

"Hey Kendall," Carlos greeted him with his usual warming smile.

Kendall was sure him and his three best friends were the only ones in the entire school that didn't really fit into the normal cliché flow. While they were all kind of stereotypical themselves, they by no means fit into the conformist school there parents had forced them into.

Carlos who sat directly opposite him was the ball of energy that _never _stopped. He was the class clown, the joker, the one who intentionally did stupid things to get a laugh from others, the guy that just liked to make people laugh. Constantly doing stupid and highly dangerous stunts he lived his life on a high. Coming from a big family (7 brothers and sisters, not including himself and varying from older to younger) Kendall assumed many of the Latino boys stunts were done out of seeking attention from his parents who both worked full time, rather than because he actually enjoyed it. But over the years the two sort of collided and now it was just normal for the Latino to skate down the biggest hill in Minnesota as fast as possible, or jump from severely high buildings with little to land on but the hard concrete. Carlos was the loudest, funniest, daringness and craziest boy he knew. To was difficult for people not to love him with his outgoing and hyper personality.

To Kendall's right sat James Diamond who was also loved by many (well, at least the female population), however for an entire different reason to Carlos. James was probably the best looking guy in their year, maybe even there whole school (And Kendall means that in the least gayest way possible). While Carlos may have the personality to be loved, James defiantly had the exterior. Perfectly cropped long brown hair, piercing brown eyes, flawless complexion and striking smile, it was difficult to find a girl who didn't swoon at the very thought of him. James always wore the latest fashions, and could easily pick out jeans and shirt that matched his skin perfectly. Sitting next to him usually had most boys enraged because he was just _that _good looking. Anyone sitting anywhere near him just looked so, imperfect. Maybe that was why James had so little friends. Sure, the boy got along well with most of the hockey team and a few other guys. But mainly people tended to avoid him. It wasn't like he was a jerk. Kendall could and would argue that James is probably one of the kindest people around. He wasn't conceited or arrogant or anything, actually he was the complete opposite. Sometimes Kendall would even call him shy, which was ridiculous because he had no reason to be. But due to his looks, James was often misjudged. If people actually took the time to get to know someone before they judge them they'd find out that James wasn't the proud, annoying jerk they thought he was, but the boy who was learning to trust again due to his father leaving after a messy divorce and even worse custody battle. That was something else he hated about his school.

They were shallow, ignorant people who liked to make others feel below them. Take his other and final best friend Logan for example. The boy was smart, funny and a loyal friend. However nobody at school would know that because they spend too much time pushing him into lockers. While James and Carlos were liked by most people, Logan came under the 'other' category. Logan was openly shy, extremely timid and above average intelligence in most subjects. Hence he was bullied. Kendall just wanted to punch someone thinking about the oxymoron's that made his smaller friends high school life a living hell. Why is that if you happen to be smart that automatically makes you a target for morons to pick on you? Kendall didn't know, but he did know that even though Logan tried to brush it off and ignore it, it affected the brunette. And why should it not? They have no right to do that to him, yet for some reason still get away with it. Logan was funny and smart and loyal. He was often shy and probably smarter than the average sixteen year old. But that didn't make it right. People didn't know that studying helped Logan forget the fact that he doesn't have a mother because she passed away. They didn't know that he tried his best at everything in hopes that his dad would for once notice he had a son. Logan was such a caring person, but in high school that doesn't matter to most.

"This food is disgusting guys," James said sniffing his burger, "I can't eat this,"

Logan chuckled and moved around his own food (if you could call it that) with his plastic fork, "I can't believe they're actually allowed to serve us this without the health department on their backs,"

The blonde laughed. Then of course, there was Kendall himself. He liked to think of himself as the unofficial leader of their little dysfunctional group. Kendall didn't like school, he believed math and English were the most pointless thing in the world, despite what Logan tried to tell him. Hockey was his one and only future. What professional hockey player knew algebra anyway? Kendall lived and breathed hockey, he never feels more at peace then when gliding on the ice getting the puck in the net. That was how he had met these three other strange boys. While they didn't have much in common, they shared one common passion. Hockey. Of course, none of them were as passionate about it as Kendall, each having their own individual dreams. But meeting 10 years ago at pee wee hockey, was defiantly not a moment Kendall regrets.

"What are we doing this weekend?" Carlos asked now resorting to throwing his tater totes across the room casually.

James shrugged, "We can go to my house,"

"We have a massive math test on Monday guys," Logan sighed.

Kendall laughed, math test. Really Logan?

"Pssh, you have a math test," Carlos laughed, "I get to sleep for an hour,"

Logan rolled his eyes, far too used to Carlos just sleeping through tests, "You know that's not a good idea Carlos,"

Kendall laughed, "When is anything Carlos does a good idea?"

Logan shrugged, "You should really study,"

Carlos looked at Logan discarding his tater totes for a moment. He looked as if he was actually considering studying then, "Nahhhhhhh,"

Kendall and James burst out laughing while Logan just rolled his eyes.

"Don't even bother Loge," Kendall said.

"So my house, Friday night?" James said.

The three boys nodded and the bell signaling the end of lunch rang. Logan never wanting to be late for class stood up first, however only to have someone 'accidently' knock into him covering him with gravy and a half eaten burger.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Logan," a very mocking, non apologetic voice sniggered.

Not only had Logan been covered in half eaten food but he had been knocked to the ground by a large jock who was now standing about him grinning stupidly. The cafeteria was now staring at the scene taking place.

"What the hell!" Kendall yelled angrily approaching Michael Stevens an arrogant, thinks his better than everyone else, jock.

James helped Logan from the ground and Carlos stood next to him. Kendall glared daggers at Michael and his group of dumbass friends that formed a protective circle around their alpha male.

Michael Stevens, captain of the hockey team, boyfriend to the head cheerleader, likes to pick on people he sees weaker then himself. Did anymore really need to be said? He was your everyday cliché, football playing, bully who Kendall would gladly like to see burn a slow and painful death. If Michael was on fire and Kendall had the only glass of water left on earth, Kendall would happily tip the water anywhere and everywhere _besides_ on Michael Stevens. You get the picture?

"What Knight? Got a problem?" Michael laughed.

"Yea I do, what the hell is wrong with you?" Kendall spat. James moved so he was standing next to Kendall backing him up ready to throw punches if needed. Carlos had taken Logan to the back of the crowd, keeping him out of the spotlight that Kendall had put himself in the middle of, but still ready to jump in if needed.

Now while James may be the pretty boy and Carlos the ball of endless fun, they could stand their own in a fight. And everybody knew if you messed with one puck head. You messed with them all. Especially Knight's friends.

"What?" Michael faked innocence, "I fell." He shrugged unconcerned.

"You fell?" James asked outraged unable to control himself. If it was one thing the brunette hated more, it was conceited, arrogant people. Michael fit perfectly into that category.

"What, not my fault the little nerd can't walk properly," Michael sniggered and high-fived a few of his friends.

Yep, that was it. Kendall had, had enough. He didn't even want to hear what else Michael had to say. Screw it.

**-Punch-**

"What the hell!" Michael said as he struggled back holding his nose that was now bleeding thanks to Kendall.

"Fuck you Michael," Kendall spat and stormed out of the cafeteria. However, before he was able to make his way completely out he heard Michael muttered, "Knights only always so highly strung because his daddy's fucked up."

Kendall walked faster until he was at his locker, almost running.

Maybe that's why they were all so good friends. They weren't anything alike, they should all logically be in different crowds. Logan with the nerds, James with the drama geeks and Carlos probably with the skaters. But they just didn't fit in with those crowds. They weren't meant to be trapped in this shallow, superficial lockup where if you were strong and below average IQ you got to fit in. No, these boys were much deeper than that.

Maybe, they held such a close bound because they shared a common denominator deeper then hockey. They all experienced something many people will spend their whole life dreading yet barely having to deal with. What it's to be truly abandoned by the ones who are supposed to always be there.

_**Let me know what you think guys :D **_


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter is pretty short, but it is a necessity to set up the story. I promise with all my heart that the next few chapters are much better :P **

**Chapter two. **

"Hey mom," Kendall said throwing his bag on the couch after school.

"Kendall," a slightly pissed off voice said from the kitchen.

The blonde sheepishly turned to his mom who stood with her arms crossed, in front of her and a disapproving look planted on her face. That's never a good sign.

"Yes mom?" Kendall said innocently.

"Would you like to explain to me why I got a call from the school today?" She asked calmly.

Kendall smiled sheepishly and Katie, his younger sister emerged from the kitchen sniggering, "Ohhh, Kendall's in trouble."

Mama Knight rolled her eyes, "Go to your room Katie,"

"Goodluck," She whispered to her older brother and quickly disappeared up stairs.

"Explain, now." Mama Knight said sternly.

Kendall sighed and took a seat next to his mother on the couch, "I punched Michael Stevens in the face." He said bluntly.

She sighed and buried her face in her hands, "Kendall… we talked about this. You can't go around punching people."

"He deserved it!" Kendall defended, "He was picking on Logan! He threw a burger on him for no reason."

"That doesn't mean…"

"You told me to always stick up for people who need it. You said to never stand back and let someone who doesn't deserve it get hurt."

Mama Knight sighed, why did her son have to be so damn caring? "Of course I did Ken," She said rubbing soothing circles on his back out of habit, "But you can't do it violently."

"He deserved it," Kendall muttered childishly, "I wasn't going to sit there and let him pick on Logan."

She sighed again, "Of course you weren't."

Conflicted, there was silence for a moment while she stroked his back.

"Are you mad?" He asked quietly.

She sighed, "I'm not mad that you were just trying to do the right thing. I just wished you'd do it differently."

"I wish they wouldn't pick on Logan," He retorted.

She couldn't argue with him there, "Okay look. How about I let this one slide, if you promise me you won't _start _anymore fights?"

Kendall smiled, "I can do that,"

Jennifer smiled back at her son, "Oh wait, this came for you." She quickly pulled out a letter for Kendall.

He looked at it confused until he realized it was from his father Mitchell Knight. "Oh, thanks mom,"His voice breaking slightly.

She looked at him sadly, "It's okay. Why don't you go finish your homework?"

He nodded and kissed her head, hastily making his way to the stairs avoiding his mother's concerned stare. He didn't want her to see the anger that penetrated his features or the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.

However she didn't miss Kendall throwing the letter in the bin before heading upstairs.

-/-/-/-

James collapsed on the couch after a long run in the cold Minnesota weather. Instead of studying for his history final tomorrow or cleaning his room like he was supposed to, he'd rather run. Not only to keep his body in pristine condition, but he just liked the feeling when he ran. It was as if he was the only person around and he could block out all the other noises. The frustration he built during the day could be worn away the moment he pushed his body to harsh extremes.

"James,"

James turned his head to the door only for it to collide with a bottle of water.

"Oh sorry honey!" his mother apologized quickly making her way towards him.

James rubbed his head where the bottle had hit him, "It's okay," he twisted off the cap and took a big sip, "It's the thought that counts," he grinned.

Brooke Diamond smiled at her son. She honestly hadn't meant to beat him with a water bottle. She was just trying to help, she was simply doing her job as a mother, to keep her only baby hydrated.

"Dinner will be soon, so how about you quickly shower then come down?" She smiled.

"Are you trying to tell me I smell mom?" He asked in mock hurt.

"Well…." She laughed.

James opened his mouth outraged, "But I thought you loved me!"

Brooke just rolled her eyes, "Go shower," she said playfully.

James smiled, "Fine,"

Of course on his way to the stairs he quickly pulled his mother into a big, sweaty bear hug.

"James!" She gently scowled laughing, "You stink. Go shower," She said pushing her already 6 feet tall son off her.

He smiled cheekily, "Fine. Dad home?"

The smile on Brookes face quickly vanished and it took a moment for James to process what he had just asked.

"I-I-I…sorry," He said ducking his head.

Brooke composed herself, "It's okay," She quickly put on her best fake smile.

James nodded, "I'll go shower,"

Brooke continued to smile and entered the kitchen, not letting the tears come down until she was completely out of her sons view.

James frowned sadly and with less enthusiasm then before trudged to the bathroom.

-/-/-/-

"CARLOS!" a high pitched five year old screamed.

"Angel? What's wrong?" Carlos asked his younger sister as he pulled her into his lap.

"Noah pushed me," She said tears in her eyes.

"Noah, did you push Angel?" He asked his seven year old brother.

The seven year old guiltily stared at the carpet, "It was an accident,"

"How about you apologize to Angel?" He asked his youngest brother.

"I'm sorry Angel," Noah replied.

Lana nodded and swiftly wrapped her arms around the boy, "It's okay."

Carlos smiled at his younger siblings, well two of many younger siblings. He loved them all… but sometimes they were… loud. And annoying, and sometimes frustrating. But he still loved them.

He entered the kitchen to find his mother preparing dinner, "Hey Mama," he said kissing her cheek.

"Carlitos" She smiled, "How was school?"

"It was good, except Michael started to pick on Logan again at lunch, so Kendall punched him…" Carlos started to tell his mom but was cut off.

"MOM!" This time yelling was his 14 year old sister Sofia, "Xavier fell off his skateboard and there is blood everywhere." She said rolling her eyes, clearly unimpressed with her brother.

Sylvia's expression varied from annoyance to worry, "Carlos do you mind stirring the pasta? I'll go check on Xav,"

Carlos sighed inaudibly and just nodded, "Thanks sweetie," She kissed his check and quickly chased after Sofia who had gone to her younger brother.

Carlos glared at the pasta he was now stirring, stupid pasta, he thought.

**Its going to get better, I promise :D **

**So apparently Mama Knights name is Jennifer? Does that show not have enough Jennifer's already? **

**Also, the Carlos Family so far, (More of a reference for me really but kind of interesting) **

**Sofia – 14**

**Xavier – 12**

**Noah – 7**

**Sofia – 5**

**Review? :D **


	3. Chapter 3

**This is where things are starting to get good, in a really weird, almost sick sort of way. **

**Enjoy :D **

**Chapter Three **

Logan sighed as he quickly scribbled notes from his history text book into his workbook. Sprawled out on the kitchen table notebooks, textbooks, highlighters and pens of all colors scattered around the small brunette who was studying for the history test that was coming up. It's not as if he wasn't already completely prepared for it, he was sure he'd do well. But he preferred to study then do anything else in his house. It was 8pm and his dad was still out god knows where, doing only god knows what.

He'd already eaten dinner, Mac & cheese, and he'd put some in the fridge for his dad to heat up when he came home. If he didn't have something for his dad after work, he'd be in trouble. Then again it probably wouldn't matter whether he had something for the man anyway. He'd still be in trouble. See, Logan's home life wasn't fantastic… though it could be worse.

After his mother had passed away a few years ago, Thomas Mitchell had… changed.

He wasn't a terrible father… he just wasn't a great one.

Thomas Mitchell had lost interest in a lot of things after the passing of his wife, Logan being one of them. Life just no longer interested the man. He was now in an odd mixture of depression, alcoholism and bipolar. Sometimes he would ignore Logan, sometimes he was be nice to him. Sometimes he would scream and yell, and sometimes it would become more aggressive than just verbal threats and put downs.

He wasn't horrible… or at least Logan tried to convince himself of this. It was his father after all and his wife had passed away. That would be hard for anyone. However lately Logan didn't have to guess what mood his father would be in. The last few months it had only been one, and it wasn't a pleasant the one.

Not only was he getting beat up at school it was becoming a 24 hour occurrence for the smaller brunette. Except he didn't have Kendall at home to protect him. At home there were no obstacles to stand in the way of a swift kick to the side or slap across the face.

Sometimes worse.

Logan of course, could easily hide the bruises. Long shirts and pants easily covered them and if not he could just blame one of the many people who liked to use him as a punching bag at school. Nobody had to know it was his own father that gave him the worse beating.

Your own father doesn't have to kick nearly as hard as a jock for it to hurt more. It's your own father doing it. The thought its self could send Logan into a turmoil of tears faster than any bully possibly could.

Hiding the bruises is never really enough though. It wasn't easy to explain to his friends why he would violently jump away from their touch or make excuses as to why they couldn't come over to his house. He'd told them that after his mom had passed his dad changed, he doesn't acknowledge him much anymore and things. It was a pretty lame excuse if you ask him, and if any of them had told him that he'd probably look into calling child services. But his friends had lapped it up and accepted that Logan's dad was just 'weird' now. He made them promise not to tell their parents (not like they needed the extra stress) and so far they had complied. Well, he assumed they hadn't told anyone because nobody had come furiously knocking at his door like he was sure Mrs. Knight would if she found out.

So far so good.

It wasn't even a complete lie either which was why it was easier to keep. Technically his dad did change. Technically his dad was different now. And technically his dad did sort of ignore and treat him differently. He just left out the beating part. Would you tell your friends that not only are you the school punching bag your fathers decided to join in too?

That wasn't going to happen anytime soon. He was doing just fine, it wasn't anything he didn't think he could handle. Besides, he had his studies and books and best friends to keep him from the harsh reality. Life wasn't great, but it was by no means horrible.

"LOGAN!" A rough voice shouted from the living room. Logan heard the front door slam shut and loud footsteps entered the kitchen.

"Yes dad?"

When Thomas entered he realized that his dad wasn't drunk yet, so that was a good sign. Despite what had happened the man still did have to keep up appearances at work and at least pretend that things were normal. Drinking at work might cause some suspicion.

"Why did I get told at work that Knights boy got into a fight today?" he growled.

Logan shrugged, "Who'd you hear that from?"

"Finn Marley, his boy called him up at work and told him," Tom said. Finn Marleys son was Rick Marley, one of Michael thugs on the football team.

What a tattle tail, Logan thought to himself.

"Well I guess that's right then," Logan said uninterested. He really didn't need this gibber crap from his father when his sober. He knew how it was going to end. It always ended that way.

"What do you mean that's right then?" Thomas yelled frustrated.

Logan rolled his eyes, "It wasn't really a fight. Michael was being a dick and Kendall punched once then walked away. One of the more uninteresting fights of the day really,"

**-Slap- **

A cold hand collided hard with Logan's soft face. Clearly being a smart ass was going to get him nowhere.

"Fuck! You're such a disappointment Logan!" His dad exclaimed angrily as he raided the fridge for something to eat.

Tears threatened to spill from the brunette's eyes and he packed up his books, "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Mr. Mitchell snorted unimpressed, "Go to your room."

Logan nodded and rubbed his face with his hand. That was going to bruise tomorrow.

It was difficult to pin point the moment his own home became his personal hell, and it was even harder to pin point what hurt the most in his now pathetic excuse for a life. It wasn't the physical or emotional abuse he suffered almost every day now. It wasn't that his mom was gone. It wasn't that his dad had changed and it wasn't that he couldn't tell his best friends what was happening. It wasn't even that his dad now used him as target practice, what upset him the most was that once upon a time he used to have a family. He used to have mom and dad that cared about him, look after him, love him.

When did everything fall apart?

**I really do hope you're intrigued so far. The story isn't going to just be your average 'Logan gets abused by his father' story. Believe me I have WAY more planned for this story then for it to be that simple, ;) **

**So guys, can you even heat up Mac and cheese? I have no idea, I don't like it. I'm stereotyping all Americans by using it in my story. I wanted to say he made vegemite toast, but in America you don't eat that so I said Mac and Cheese instead. Also using toast would have been stupid because you wouldn't make toast unless you wanted to eat it instantly not heat it up later. I'm also pretty sure most of you guys don't like vegemite or have never heard of it before (which I find just crazy because vegemite toast is my all time go to food. I wouldn't last a week without it). So I used Mac and Cheese even though I find the stuff gross. (Did I just put too much thought into Mac and Cheese and vegemite toast?)**

**Anyway, Review? :D **


	4. Chapter 4

_**Logan: I have two theories. One he projected his love of hockey onto the helmet and fell in love with his helmet and two, his an idiot.**_

**Thank you all so much for the response I'm getting for this story. I'm pretty much in love with it and have some major plans I hope turn out the way I want. If they do, I'm thinking (hoping) you'll all love it :D**

"_**Do you feel like a man, when you push her around? Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?" – Face down, The Red Jump Apparatus **_

**Chapter Four**

The next morning in homeroom Logan sat at his desk, head buried in his English text 'To Kill A Mocking Bird'. It wasn't the most interesting of books, but it was one that could easily help him escape reality1. Reading about the way people dealt with racism and ignorance helped him realize he wasn't the only one in the world having a difficult time. However sometimes it hit a bit close to home, then again he wasn't discriminated again because of his color. No, people didn't like him because he was just… Logan.

"Hey Loges," Books quickly slammed against his desk and the smaller boy visibly jumped.

Looking up Logan saw Kendall's smiling face quickly turn apprehensive upon seeing him.

"You okay?" Kendall asked concerned dripping from his voice. He saw the black bruise under Logan's right eye and frowned deeply. The past few weeks Logan would turn up to school with these unusual injuries that had lame excuses to go along with them. The other day he had a limp, because he fell down the stairs. Last week it was a cut lip because he ran into a branch. The week before it was a purple bruise on his arm because he ran into a door. Get the picture?

Kendall wasn't an idiot. He knew the difference between a bruise a door left and one a hand had made. However working out who had given him the bruises was another question entirely.

Sure Logan got kicked around a bit at hockey but if the other boys were becoming too rough he would have told Kendall, or he at least would have noticed. He was the captain after all, and all the boys on the team knew not to mess with one of his boys. It couldn't have been Michael or one of his goons because he made sure Logan was rarely left alone during school. He couldn't risk Logan walking to class alone and being beat up. He wouldn't have that. Logan didn't even walk home on his own, so he couldn't have been jumped then. Maybe it was on his way to school. Maybe Stevens had approached him then or something. Kendall was going to have to make arrangements to fix this.

However besides the short walk to school Kendall could figure out no reasonable explanation for the new bruises and anxious attitude of Logan's. There was of course the possibility that he was just actually running into stuff more often. But that was on Kendall's most unlikely list.

He lived with his dad? Could he possibly…

No, Kendall though shaking the thought from his head. That couldn't be it.

"I'm fine Kendall. I was just reading and you startled me," Logan said convincingly. Of course Kendall being, Kendall frowned.

"What happened to your eye?" He asked suspiciously.

"Hit it on the corner of the coffee table," Logan said easily. Rehearsed almost.

"On the corner of a coffee table?" That was lame even for Logan. Wasn't he supposed to be the smart one?

"I dropped my book while I was reading last night. When I reached down to grab it I judged the distance wrong and caused this. Freaking hurt too," He laughed casually.

There was the smart Logan.

Kendall nodded clearly still unimpressed, while Logan just grinned. He'd let it slide for now, until he had more proof or a leg to stand on regarding the case.

He took a seat at the desk next to Logan and immediately James and Carlos entered the class room laughing about something.

"Sup guys," Carlos said cheerfully as they took seats at in front of Logan and Kendall.

"Hey," Kendall replied.

"What the heck happened to your eye Logan?" James asked disgusted upon seeing the black and purple bruise under the smaller boy's eye.

"That looks like it hurts," Carlos said bluntly and reached out to touch it only to have his hand slapped away by Logan.

"Corner of a coffee table, long story. Don't ask," Logan said embarrassed and ducked his head.

Carlos laughed, "Only you Loges."

James however frowned, him and Kendall shared a knowing, unspoken look.

Corner of the coffee table my ass.

"So your house tomorrow James?" Logan asked changing the subject.

James grinned, bruise forgotten, "Yep, mom said it was fine."

"Awesome, your mom bakes the best chocolate cake around. Do you think she'll make it if I ask?" Carlos asked excitedly.

"Maybe if you ask her extra nicely," James laughed.

"How's she doing?" Kendall asked suddenly. It was a known fact Brooke Diamond hadn't been handling the recent divorce well. Then again neither had James.

James froze slightly at the question but quickly composed himself. If he was sitting with anyone else besides the boys he'd known since he was ten it would have gone unnoticed. "She's fine."

Logan's eyebrows dropped, "Really?"

James just nodded forcefully and started fiddling with his books.

"Are you okay?" Kendall asked gently and put a comforting hand on the pretty boys back.

The brunette shrugged the hand off with more force than necessary and snapped, "I'm fine guys,"

Before Kendall could snap back about how they were just trying to help or Logan could try and comfort the boy their home room teacher Mrs. Martin entered the room asking for complete silence while she read off the morning announcements.

-/-/-

Kendall lent against James locker with his arms crossed, patiently waiting for the brunette to come back from his latest class.

After one of the more eventful homerooms this year, James had managed to quickly exit the class before anyone could interrogate him further.

Logan had also quickly scampered away to AP math's avoiding more questioning about the bruising on his face. Although since Kendall had no further leads on that, he decided James would be his first target.

Kendall was just doing his job, he was the leader and upon taking that role he had to make sure the boys he consider family were all right, at all times.

After James's dad had left his mom for the_ much_ youngerwomen, the tall brunette had been pretty cut up. After all, the guy that was usually a dedicated father, turning up to almost every hockey game, had suddenly one day claimed he 'didn't love Brooke any more, had found another woman, and was leaving to go to California with her'. That was pretty low, and James took it extremely hard. Eight months later it was still painfully obvious James had a hard time accepting that his father wasn't coming back.

Kendall smiled weakly when the brunette approached his locker. Kendall almost chuckled at the way James sighed in annoyance and gave him the 'are you really doing this' look.

"How was history?" Kendall asked. Few knew James's favorite subject was history and literature. Kendall honestly had no idea how he even put up with the subjects. Personally he found them painfully boring and kind of girly. But he wasn't going to judge James on something he really enjoyed. Maybe he'd tease him occasionally about it, but nothing too intense.

"Was fine," James mumbled as he put his books in the locker, clearly trying to avoid where this conversation was no doubt heading.

Kendall just nodded, unsure of how to really approach the subject, "Sorry about this morning."

James turned to him, slightly puzzled about the apology. "It's fine, it's forgotten."

Kendall frowned, "No seriously, I didn't mean to bring it up. Clearly your still…",

James glared at him silently and Kendall didn't finish the sentence.

"Wouldn't you be?" The brunette asked quietly as he threw his math text book in the locker.

"Yea," he replied, "But you have to move on, or at least talk to us about it," Kendall tried to reason.

James laughed bitterly, "Do you talk to us about yours?"

Kendall fell silent, hurt that James would bring up such a tender topic.

"That's different," Kendall snapped quickly.

"Have you 'moved on' from your dad Kendall?" He slammed the locker shut with more force than necessary and glared at the slightly shorter blonde.

Kendall didn't even know how to respond to that. Their situations were entirely different. How completely low did James want to take this?

When Kendall didn't reply he continued, "Yea, it's easier said than done Kendall, and maybe instead of worrying about me so much you should ask Logan where the hell he got his latest bruise from. That shit isn't normal," James said in a matter of fact tone which was harsher than usual.

Kendall frowned ready to rage at the pretty boy for being so ignorant, however James rolled his eyes and walked away muttering, "Take some of your own advice sometime Kendall," before he could even compose a reply in his head.

James quickly turned the corner without a second look back and was out of sight. Kendall bashed the back of his head against the locker frustrated and hurt.

Fuck.

**And so it begins,**

**Review? **

1.


	5. Chapter 5

**I figured while I was on my major creative boost I'd keep updating stuff. **

**In my document manager this is titled 'MMFLSE – Chapter…." I thought I'd all let you know that I find that kind of silly :)**

"_**We've become nothing at all, Lead through the back of my spine, And as our heads hit the floor, We were dead 17 times" – 17, Short Stack**_

**Chapter Five**

Lunch time that day, Kendall groaned when he approached his usual lunch table. Instead of his three best friends sitting there waiting for him like they were every other day, Carlos was the only one present at the table. This was highly unusual because Kendall was always the last one to lunch, due to always being kept back in math for being a disturbance.

What? So he hated math…

Today however Carlos sat lonely at the lunch table moving his tater totes from side to side on his plate. Clearly this morning had gone worse then he'd originally thought.

"Hey man," Kendall greeted the Latino as he sat across from him.

Looking up Carlos gave a weak smile, "Hey."

"Where's Logan and James?" Kendall asked trying to sound unconcern. Although he knew Carlos could see right through him.

"Not here," Carlos replied going back to his totes.

Kendall groaned, Carlos knew something he didn't, "Where do you reckon they are?"

Carlos looked up, contemplating whether to tell him what he knew or not, "I ran into James fourth period1 and he said he was going to the gym and I saw Logan on his way to the library," He caved.

"Did either of them say why?"

"Didn't talk to Logan, but James's is pretty pissed."

"He doesn't have a reason to be!"

"Hey don't shoot the messenger,"

"Neither should James,"

"That doesn't make any sense,"

"James is just on his man period, he'll get over it."

"From what I heard, you insulted his mom and told him to 'move on' about his dad,"

"I never insulted his mom!"

"But the dad part is true?"

"I didn't mean it like that,"

"Well it looks to me like it came out pretty harsh,"

"Who's side are you on?"

"The side of truth,"

"…."

"I'm on nobody side, I just want us to all sit at a lunch table like normal people again."

"When have we ever been normal?"

"…."

"HA!"

Carlos rolled his eyes, "Either way you offended James and now his pissed. And Logan is being weird, probably something to do with his new bruise he got from the coffee table." He snorted. While Carlos may sometimes appear as naïve, he was anything but. He wasn't stupid, like Kendall and James he had seen the recent bruising that appeared on Logan. Something clearly wasn't right.

"You don't buy the coffee table story either?" Kendall asked.

"Not in the slightest," Carlos stated, "It was probably Stevens that did it and his afraid to tell us,"

"You think?" Kendall asked unsure.

"What else could it be?"

Kendall certainly didn't have an answer for that. However Stevens just didn't fit right to him for some reason.

"Alright, we'll take care of Stevens another time. Right now you got to the gym and cool down James and I'll go to the library to find Logan. Then after school we have hockey practice so hopefully James is less pissed at me so we can talk and Logan's better. If we see Stevens on the way, do nothing. We will deal with him after hockey practice without Logan and with James. Got it?" Kendall asked.

Carlos rolled his eyes, "Got it."

"Okay, I'll see you at practice," Kendall said and with that headed to the library.

Carlos sighed loudly and dropped his plastic fork on the plate. For the first time in his life he felt as if Kendall's plan wasn't going to work. Something was defiantly wrong, and Carlos didn't like it at all.

-/-/-/-

Logan was easy to find. He was sitting in the corner with his math book out in front of him intensely staring at the numbers. If Kendall didn't know better he'd had sworn Logan was staring at them waiting until they magically solved themselves. Then again that was more of a Carlos thing to do.

"Hey Loges," Kendall said, making sure he made his presence heard not to frighten the boy again.

Logan looked up, and Kendall couldn't work out the expression on the boys face. Anger? Hurt? Frustration?

"Hi," was all he replied.

Kendall took a seat next to the brunette, "Hmmm, algebra… cool…"Usually being a man of many words Kendall was stunned at himself that he couldn't start a simple conversation with his best friends.

Logan looked up at Kendall confused and annoyed, "What do you want Kendall?"

Was every boy on their PMS today… or just Logan and James?

"Why are you in the library and not at lunch with us?" Kendall asked.

"I could ask you the same thing," Logan pointed out and scribbled down an equation Kendall had no idea about.

"Believe me, I'm not in the library by choice," Kendall said looking around with disgust, "I'm here to find you."

"Found me. Now I'll count to 100 and you hide, then I'll find you," Logan said sarcastically.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were playing some messed up game of hide and seek. Excuse me while I get into character and then go look for the bestest of all bestest hiding places," Kendall replied equally sarcastic.

Logan rolled his eyes and couldn't help but grin a little at Kendall. Logan spoke fluent sarcasm often and Kendall was the only one who gave as good as he got. While most people would ignore his sarcasm and try to reason with him, Kendall would simply mock him. It was nice to have someone treat him as an equal. Kendall was one of the few to do that.

Now that he had gotten Logan to light up maybe he could actually get something from the boy, "Seriously Loges, whats up?"

Logan sighed, "Nothing really… its just the math test tomorrow. Got me freaking out," He lied smoothly.

"When has a math test ever got you freaked out? Have you ever gotten below 98 on one before?" Kendall asked.

Logan smiled, "You know what I mean,"

"I don't really, I don't worry about stuff like that," He grinned, "But you know if you had something you needed to tell me, you could. I'll never like judge you or anything. You can tell me anything…"

Logan smiled softly, "I know man,"

"Really?" Kendall asked seriously staring intensely at the smaller boy.

Looking straight in Kendall's eyes brought guilt to Logan's stomach making him want to hurl. He quickly broke eye contact ashamed of himself, "Of course," He said quietly.

Kendall was still hesitant about the answer Logan had been feeding him constantly but decided if he really did have something he needed to talk about Logan would come to him when he was ready. He had done all he could.

The bell loudly rang, signaling the end of lunch.

"Come on man," Kendall said helping Logan from his seat, "Two more sessions and then hockey." He grinned broadly.

Logan grinned along with him, "You talked to James yet?"

Kendall grinned sheepishly, "He told you about that did he?"

"Yea, I'm pretty sure he also said something about wanting to beat your head in with a hockey stick," Logan laughed.

That didn't sound pleasant. James could be awful violent when he wanted to be.

"James will cool down," Kendall said confidently.

"Whatever you say captain," Logan laughed and headed to math.

Two more sessions and one hockey practice until he had to return to his hell. How long was he going to be able to keep this up?

-/-/-/-

Carlos found James shooting hoops in the gym. He was changed in his gym shorts due to having PE next, and he looked frustrated as he violently threw the ball at the hoop.

"Hey James," Carlos said trying to hide any uncertainly that lingered in his voice.

James turned suddenly at Carlos not hearing him enter. He sighed when he saw the Latino and just went back to throwing the ball.

"Nice shot," Carlos commented when the ball went perfectly in the hoop.

Carlos would never admit how jealous he was of James at moments like this. While the smaller boy loved his friend it was hard not to be a bit jealous of the perfection that was James Diamond. He was good looking, athletic, tall, charming, academically gifted in the arts and literature, brilliant singing voice, smooth and charismatic personality. This boy had almost everything most dreamed of.

"Thanks," James replied.

A moment of awkwardness hung over the gym for a moment, "So, I spoke to Kendall," Carlos said boldly.

Yep, bring up the boy James wants to murder right now. That's the way to get James to cool down, Carlos thought stupidly.

As if on cue James frowned and almost growled deeply, "Yea?"

"Yea," Carlos replied, "You know he didn't mean to offend you,"

James snorted, "of course he didn't," was the sarcastic reply he received.

Carlos rolled his eyes, "Yea, of course he didn't mean to. His just Kendall, he was trying to do the right thing and make sure you were okay. His always trying to do that right thing,"

James eyes softened a bit at that, but he went back to the basketball ring, "We'll his still a massive douche," however this time it came out a lot less harsh and much more childish.

"A douche who was just trying to make sure you were alright,"

"Fine," He rolled his eyes, "But he didn't need to talk about my dad like that,"

"And I'm sure he'll apologize,"

"He better," Was all James replied.

Another moment of silence passed before Carlos got the courage to ask his next question, "So, how are you? Really?"

James didn't need to ask what he meant, "I'm okay. Its just… hard is all," Uncertain whether he should tell Carlos the rest.

"I just keep thinking his going to come home or be there when I wake up. And his not. That's just taking a bit to get used to," James said defeated and sat on the court, Carlos sitting next to him. James didn't mention how hard it was to listen to his mother sob every night in her sleep. He knew she was dreaming of him. He was still dreaming of him.

"I'm sorry," Carlos said, unsure of what else he could say.

James shrugged, "Its alright. I just don't get how he could walk out… you know. Before even saying goodbye."

When Mr. Diamond had left he may have told Brooke that he was in love with someone else and leaving. But he hadn't said anything to James. One morning James went off to school when everything was normal. When he came home his mother was crying and all of his dad's clothes were gone. Everything in the house was now a reminder of the life he's own father had left behind.

Carlos nodded, not entirely understanding the feeling due to never being straight out abandoned by one of the few people who were supposed to unconditionally love you no matter what.

James laughed bitterly, blinking hard to fight back the tears that threatened to spill. Eight months latter and he still couldn't think of the man before breaking down, "Now I feel like a jerk for what I said to Kendall,"

"What did you say to Kendall?" Carlos asked puzzled.

"I basically called him a hypocrite for trying to make me talk about my dad when he doesn't say anything about his. Told him to take his own advice," James said annoyed at himself.

Carlos cringed, he was surprised Kendall hadn't been more mad at lunch.

"Are situations are completely different, I'm such a jerk for even bringing it up. I shouldn't have gone so low,"

Carlos didn't want to agree to make James feel worse, but he did. They all knew to never bring Kendall's dad up because Kendall had been distort when 'it' happened almost a year and a half ago now. Nobody ever brought it up and nobody ever talked about it. The topic was veto because no one wanted to be on the receiving end of Kendall's fist, or see the look of pure hurt and anger he held when it came up.

Carlos couldn't imagine going through something like Kendall had with his father. Of course, it wasn't as black and white as everyone would hope, and Carlos would probably be handling it different. But he wasn't in anyway about to judge Kendall.

Honestly (no matter how horrible this sounded) he was just grateful that he wasn't the one in Kendall's position.

"Well you can apologize at hockey," Carlos laughed and James grinned sheepishly.

"Oh the joy,"

**I hope your enjoying, please review? **

**Fact: I've never eaten totes in my life, and I never plan to. **

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	6. Chapter 6

**I apologize for the crappiness of this chapter. **

**Warning: Very evident use of swear words. **

**Chapter Six**

James was the last one to turn up to hockey after school, partly because his PE teacher made him take all the sport equipment back and partly because he lingered. Although it was inevitable, he was not looking forward to the confrontation between himself and Kendall that was bound to happen.

He felt like shit about what he said. He honestly hadn't meant to offend Kendall in that way. People say things in the heat of the moment, although it should have occurred to him just how offensive he had really been.

Slowly he dawdled to the changing room to find Carlos, Logan and Kendall already halfway changed in their gear, along with the rest of the team.

"Hi," James said awkwardly as all eyes landed on him.

It looked as if the whole hockey team knew about Kendall and his little 'spat'. He doubted they knew the whole story, because nobody really knew much about Kendall's dad. Most people heard stories and made up fabrications, but nobody expect James, Logan and Carlos knew that truth.

While everyone on the hockey team looked up to Kendall their captain, and respected and got along with the other three boys. They weren't exactly close. Sure they celebrated wins at Maccas together, attended parties on the weekends with them, and joked around, generally getting along well. Kendall, James, Logan and Carlos were inseparable. Nobody got in between that.

And nobody was stupid enough to get in the middle of a fight between two of them.

"James," Kendall said approaching James, his face hard and unreadable.

James mastered up all the courage he had and quickly got out, "I'm sorry,"

Kendall nodded and shrugged, "Don't worry about,"

With that Kendall slapped his back affectionately and put his arm around the pretty's boy neck, and started to tell him about the 'plans' he had for Stevens after practice.

As simple as that, this morning was simply forgotten.

Boys.

One hour and forty five minutes of excruciating hockey drills and laps later, practice was officially over. Carlos swore his ass was bruised from landing on it countless times and James complained to Kendall that his hair was now ruined thanks to his practice. Kendall was a drill sergeant on the ice.

Piling into Kendall's car, he drove to Logan's first.

"Kendall, do you think next practice you could not kill us. Thanks that would be awesome," Carlos whined as he kicked Kendall's chair from the backseat.

"Yea, that _would_ be nice," Logan agreed tiredly next to Carlos.

Kendall laughed, "Do you want to win the game against Carmel next week?" Carmel High, competitive rival school.

"Dude, we are going to win, we're awesome. Although if you train us like that again we'll be dead before we can kick there asses," James stated while a chorus of 'yea's' filled the back seat.

Kendall rolled his eyes, "You're such a bunch of girls,"

Kendall pulled up in Logan's drive-way, "Okay Loges, we'll see you tomorrow."

Logan nodded and forced a smile, "See ya,"

He hopped out of the car and smiled as the boys drove away waving, "Don't forget my house tomorrow Loges!" James yelled as he stuck his head out of the moving car.

When the car was out of sight Logan dropped his head, go knows what was in store for him back in _that _house. When he entered, the smell of alcohol filled his nostrils.

"LOGAN! That you?" A horse voice shouted.

"Yea," He replied lifelessly.

"Good! You little fucker,"

A fist quickly collided with his face.

This was going to be hard to explain.

-/-/-/-

"Hey Kendall," Carlos said, "You missed my house," He stated as Kendall drove straight past.

Kendall rolled his eyes, "I'm not taking you home yet, remember?"

Carlos looked confused, "No I don't, where are we going?"

"To the park, Stevens and his goons always hang out there around this time," James answered.

"Hey wait! You were serious?"

Kendall nodded, "Did you think I was joking?" He lifted one of his massive eye brows.

"Well when you told me we were going to the park to kill Stevens after practice, yea I kind of thought you were joking!" Carlos said.

James rolled his eyes, "We're not going to kill him, just scare him."

"Three hockey players are going to scare Stevens and five of his goons?"

"He'll only have about two or three with him tonight," James said.

That did not make Carlos feel any better.

"Besides, we don't have a choice! Have you seen Logan lately? Someone's giving him those bruises and Steven's is really the only liable candidate," Kendall stated.

Well he couldn't argue with that.

"Besides," Kendall continued, "When have you become the voice of reason?"

Carlos exhaled loudly, "Clearly since you two lost your minds,"

"We're perfectly stable Carlitos," James grinned widely, "Now come on there he is,"

Carlos hadn't even realized they had stopped at the park and he had to quickly catch up to James and Kendall as they approached Michael with his two most loyal goons, Finn Marley and Chad Wayne.

"Hey, Stevens!" Kendall yelled loudly before Carlos could stop him.

Stevens glared at the boys when they approached and quickly him and his boys took a defense position just as Kendall did. Whether Carlos liked it or not, he was going to have to back them up now.

"What do you want Knight?" Michaels spat.

"I want you to leave my boys alone," Kendall growled.

Michael laughed bitterly, "Pretty boy and helmet head look fine to me,"

"You know that's not what I mean,"

Michael grinned, clearly he knew who Kendall was referring to, "What makes you think I'd give him the time of day anyway?"

"Because you're not stupid enough to try it on one of us," James answered, "Clearly your stupid enough to do it to Logan though,"

Annoyed now Michael spat, "I didn't do anything to your precious Mitchell, Knight. You gay boys can go back to doing whatever you do now. I'm done with this,"

Before Michael could walk away though, Kendall snapped. He grabbed the slightly more muscular boy by the collar and growled, "I know it's you who's giving him the bruises and I swear to god if you don't stop I will give you more than a fucking bruise. Got it?"

Kendall was many things, caring, loyal, friendly, a leader. But he could also be bloody scary when he wanted.

"What the fuck man!" Michael shouted shoving Kendall off him, "You're a fucking psycho! Those fucking rumors about your dad are totally true, psychotic bloody family the lot of you!"

For the second time in two days, Kendall pulled his fist back and punched Michael square in the face. Michael struggled back holding his nose, "You little bitch!"

For a bully, this guy is fucking stupid Kendall thought.

"Leave Logan the fuck alone, leave my hockey team the fuck alone. And say one more thing about my fucking father and I will make sure you will never be able to have children!" The rage in Kendall's voice was enough to make anyone scared, fear was shown easily on Michaels face.

"Fucking basket case," Michael muttered before storming away. Chad followed him but Finn stayed smirking at the boys, making Carlos and James extremely uneasy.

"What the hell are you smirking at?" Carlos asked who had just stood with James while Kendall went ape shit on Michael.

Finn continued to smirk, "You haven't put the pieces together yet have you?"

"What are you talking about Marley?" James asked trying not to let his curiosity show.

"Man, I knew you guys were stupid but this just takes it to a new level," Finn laughed.

"What the hell are you on about idiot," Kendall asked frustrated.

"Oh nothing," Finn smirked, "Have a nice night guys."

Finn quickly sprinted to Michael's car and was soon out of sight leaving a more then confused Kendall, James and Carlos.

A moment of confused silence passed before Carlos stated, "Man I hate that guy!"

James rolled his eyes as they made their way to Kendall's car, "No shit."

"So nobody knows anything about that?" Kendall asked.

James and Carlos silently shook their heads, "Fuck." Kendall stated.

Suddenly James's phone beeped.

"Who is it?" Carlos asked.

"Tad, from hockey," James said as he read the text message.

_**James,**_

_**Parents are out 2moz night, PARTY AT MINE.  
>7pm, tell everyone.<strong>_

_**Tad**_

James smirked, "Boys, I have something much more interesting to do tomorrow night,"

**I'm not even sure what to say about this chapter really.**

**Review maybe? Lol **


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay I know you've all been wondering, but I've decided that this is not going to be a slash. I know some of you will be disappointed but there is too much going on in the story and I feel as if it doesn't need it. I believe the story will work better with them as just friends. I am truly sorry if I have disappointed anyone, and I won't like it, but I will understand if you don't continue to read. **

_**Don't ever never in forever let yourself go, stay true to who you are, Never ever in forever let those dreams fold, We are in this together – Who You Are, Because They Can. **_

**Chapter Seven.**

Tad Miller was known as the 'party kid' at Minnesota High. He achieved this reputation in the seventh grade when his parents were out of town for the weekend and he threw a party that made the local newspapers, earning the title 'Biggest Party in Minnesota History'.

That's exactly what it was. One of the biggest parties the whole school had seen. Things were smashed, people were wasted and overall the cops had been called. From then on, Tad had pretty much become a legend.

Sure, due to the police being called and his parents going psychotic on him, he hadn't had any other parties since. But nobody forgets a party like that, so the name stuck and the legend began.

So for Tad's parents to actually leave the boy alone again, risking the condition of their house, was in most people's opinion insane. But none of the 16 year olds were arguing. Tad's parents for some crazy reason had left him alone to have another party, nobody was complaining.

This party though was _much _smaller than the last, after all Tad didn't want his parents to murder him. The hockey player had ensured only a certain amount of people were to be invited. Lucky for the boys, that included the hockey team. It also included a lot of pretty girls and some other people (not including the football team!) which made around 70 guests. A few things were bound to get broken, but the party was much more tame then his last one.

Of course, this party was by no means lame.

There was another good thing about Tad, he had an older cousin who was pretty much an idiot. He bought alcohol for the underage's as long as he had a room to bring a pretty girl into at the end of the party.

Underage drinking anyone?

Logan wasn't usually into parties. He didn't like the crowds, he didn't appreciate the way alcohol affected him, and he generally didn't really like _people _that much. However due to current circumstances he figured, one drink would be alright, maybe it will help him relax a little. One drink didn't do it though, and neither did two.

However six drinks later… or maybe it was seven, certainly was making him forget everything. Logan no longer cared that his eye was black from the beating last night. He didn't care that he had a purple bruise on his back that looked like hell. He didn't even care that sometime during the weekend he would have to go back to that place he was supposed to call home. At the moment he felt free. At the moment he felt invincible. At the moment he felt as if nothing could hurt him, not even the drop from the balcony to the pool.

Unlike Logan however, James was not having a good time. He was happily having a drink, talking up a pretty girl when he noticed that within the hour Logan had drained five UDLS. He must have entered some alternate universe because instead of sitting quietly in the corner with a soda talking to only a few people, Logan had finished five drinks and was now doing jelly shots with some kids on the team. James being the awesome friend he was took it upon himself to look after the smaller boy. He was doing a fine job of it too. Until the pretty blonde in his history class caught his eye. Now he had the blonde's number, but Logan was no longer in the kitchen doing shots.

Circling the house as quickly as possible, he had to find the brunette before he did something stupid or dangerous.

"LOGAN!" James screamed. Logan was climbing onto the railing of the balcony, getting ready to make the dangerous jump into the pool, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Oh, hi James!" Logan said happily hearing the pretty boy.

He was swaying slightly, eyes unfocused and he slurred his words. James had never seen Logan like this before. Actually he'd never even seen Logan hold a drink let alone actually become this wasted.

Before Logan could get any higher James grabbed his arm and forcefully pulled him down, "What the hell Logan!" James screamed holding on to the smaller boy.

"What Jamie?" Logan asked struggling from the boys grip, "I'm gonna jump, wont that be awesome?"

James groaned, "No Logan, that won't be awesome."

"Why not?" Logan's face dropped and under normal circumstances James would have laughed at the child-like disappointment.

"Because you'll get hurt Logan," James said frustrated and guided Logan back to the kitchen.

Logan's face made an 'O' shape, "Really?"

"Yes, really Loges,"

Logan pouted, "James! I need another drink,"

James laughed, "Yea, you don't need another drink mate. You need water, food and to sleep."

"I need my drink James, did you take it? Did you drink it?" Logan accused.

"No, you drank it," James rolled his eyes. James turned his attention to the sink to get Logan a glass of water to hopefully sober him up, but when he turned around Logan wasn't there. He didn't go far though because James found Logan claiming drunken affection towards Tad. Where the hell was Kendall and Carlos, James thought angrily. Why did he have to take care of a drunken Logan alone? It was like babysitting a two year old.

"Man, have I told you just how good a hockey person you are?" Logan asked Tad, slinging his arm around the taller boys shoulders.

"Nah man!" Tad exclaimed equally, if not more drunk then Logan, "You too man, you too! You're like…awesome."

"No man you. Why are we not gooder friends? You're a good man Tad. Awesome party,"

"You too man, you too! Awesome!"

James rolled his eyes at his best friend and fellow hockey player, "Tad, do you mind if I borrow Logan for a moment?"

"Of course you can man!" Tad said happily shifting Logan so he was now clinging to James's shoulder, "Good to see you Jamie boy! How's it going between you and Liza?"

James had dated and broken up with _Lisa _about five months ago, "She's fine I think Tad, why don't you go talk to her?" He patronized the drunk.

"You think she's into me?" Tad asked. James wasn't sure if Tad thought they were together or not. Then again he probably didn't care, and he probably wouldn't remember in the morning anyway.

"Shes totes into!" Logan exclaimed clutching onto James to keep balance.

"Awesome," Tad smiled and walked clumsily over to the 5 foot 3 brunette slinging his arm over her shoulder.

James sighed, "Alright Logan, let's get you home."

"NO!" Logan yelled, "I can't go home! My dad will be so mad!" he said getting frantic.

James confused, tried to calm the boy down, "Chill Logan, we'll go to my house,"

At those words Logan calmed down and clutched to James again, "Thank you so much man,"

James nodded, he was getting sick of the word 'man' tonight.

"No wait!" Logan said suddenly and put his hands in front of his face. James quickly jumped to conclusions.

"Are you going to hurl?"

"No," Logan said in a frustrated drunken tone, "Where is K-dog and Carlitos?"

Just as Logan asked this Kendall was heard yelling, "CARLOS!"

Kendall quickly ran past them into the front yard chasing what was assumedly Carlos.

"They'll be fine. I'll text them to come to my house when their ready," James assured Logan.

Logan nodded seeming to take this as a suitable answer, "James?" he whispered.

"Yea?" James asked uncertain.

"I think I had too many drinks," He giggled.

James grinned slightly, "You don't think?"

Logan pouted, "Jamie I don't feel well,"

James sighed, "Come on let's get you to my house and then bed,"

Logan nodded and let himself be half guided and half dragged by James's.

"You're not going to take me my dad's?" Logan asked.

"No Logan, not your dads." James answered. He didn't trust himself to drive so he decided to walk Logan to his house, it wasn't a long walk and the fresh air would do his drunken friend good. Besides he would come back tomorrow morning and pick up his car.

"Your sure?" He asked again.

"Positive." James sighed.

After a moment of nothing but the sound of Logan clumsily trying to keep his balance he spoke, "I don't like my dad,"

James turned to Logan intrigue but unsure whether to accept this as Logan simply talking drunk or actual truth, he asked, "How come?"

"He's mean," Logan said quietly.

"He seemed nice when I met him," James said.

"He used to be nice, but now he's mean and stupid and I don't like him,"

Before James could probe further on the topic, Logan quickly pulled from his grasp and bent into a bush emptying the alcohol from his stomach.

James cringed. This was not the way this night was supposed to go. This night was supposed to be fun. He was supposed to drink and have a good time, do something stupid with his drunk but not completely wasted friends and hook up with some girl. He wasn't supposed to be walking home his ridiculously intoxicated friend home, who was rambling drunken slurs about his father while he puked in the bush.

It was sad though, because whether or not it was true, this was the most Logan had even spoken to him about his dad. Ever.

James groaned frustrated with his hands folded over his chest as he impatiently waited for Logan to finish. He noticed while he was bent over the bush Logan's t-shirt rode up his back a little, reveling a very nasty purple bruise. Where the heck did the boy get that from? More concerned now James spoke, "You good Loges?"

"James," Logan started, "This is very bad."

He could say that again, James thought. The taller boy put his hand on the brunettes shoulder noticing the violent flinch the boy gave upon the touch.

"Come on, let's get you home," James said awkwardly, not sure what to make of the situation anymore.

Logan looked down pathetically and James could see the tears trailing down the boys face, "James?"

"Yea?" he asked uncertainly.

"Everything, is wrong. So, so wrong."

-/-/-/-

"Have you seen Carlos?" Kendall asked irritated to a couple of random girls at the party.

"Last I saw of him he was heading to the front yard," The blonde one said.

Kendall thanked them quickly and headed yard

This party is just freaking fantastic, Kendall thought bitterly. A few minutes ago someone had been kind enough to tell him that Carlos was a _little _drunk and someone was going to need to get him before he did something stupid. By someone they meant Kendall, because apparently Kendall was the leader and he did things like that.

Fuck. Where the hell were James and Logan?

Angrily he made it to the yard, only to find a crowd of people surrounding around a tree. What the fuck was going on?

Kendall was only trying to have a good time. All he wanted was one night where he could have fun. Forget about school and his dad. Forget the bruises that kept appearing on Logan's face (Another nasty looking one below his eye emerged this morning thanks to the car door, as the story goes), forget the look of pain that plastered James's face whenever his mind wondered. Even forget the lost look in Carlos eyes that lately appeared. He hated that everything was slowly falling apart at the seams and he couldn't fix it. Slowly his whole world was unraveling and all he could do was sit and watch. What did he do to deserve this?

"Kendall!"

Kendall looked up to find Carlos… in a tree. The boy was gripping one branch tightly while he stood on another to balance himself. The situation looked dangerous and in Kendall's mind terrifying. Few were aware that Kendall had a _little issue _with heights.

"Carlos what the hell are you doing?" he pushed past the crowd to get closer to his friend.

"Kendall, sup? What you doing?" Carlos said far too relaxed.

Kendall grabbed Jackson a fellow hockey player by the arm and asked, "How much has he had to drink?"

"A bit," Jackson said sheepishly, struggling to get out of the blondes grip. Everybody knew that you didn't mess with Kendall Knight. Kendall was the captain of the hockey team and Jackson was one of the players. Anything the captain wanted Jackson was going to be forced to comply to. It wasn't like Kendall was mean or anything, he was just… Kendall. That's how it always worked.

"How much is a bit?" He growled.

"Its you better you don't know Kendall," Jackson assured him patting his back.

Kendall groaned frustrated, "Damn it,"

Jackson gave him a sympathetic look, "We can just get him down, it'll be fine,"

Kendall looked at Jackson, then the tree, then at Carlos, "Damn it," he repeated.

"Kendall where's James and Logan?" Carlos asked standing on a branch swaying slightly. It was making Kendall feel extremely uneasy and no matter how much he didn't want to, he was going to have to get up there, before Carlos came down here.

"There around, just stay still okay Carlos? We're coming up," Kendall said nervously. He looked around for Jackson until it dawned on him that the stupid prick had nicked off. He was going to pay for that next training session. The blonde carefully and slowly made his way up the tree to Carlos.

"Why would they leave?" Carlos whined upset.

"They didn't leave Carlitos," Kendall said.

"Everybody leaves!" he exclaimed sadly.

"What do you mean bud?" Kendall asked, trying to show concern for the Latino but also trying to not show fear of being off the ground. He was Kendall freaking Knight, he couldn't be afraid for heights.

"They always leave to do something more interesting. More interesting than me," Carlos said dejected.

Kendall was kind of confused now, when did James and Logan ever leave him to do something more interesting. Obviously Carlos's drunken slurs had a deeper meaning then just Logan and James. However this was clearly not the time to probe further, he'd get Carlos and himself to the safety of the ground, and then probe

"Okay Carlitos, just calm down and stay still. I've almost got you," Kendall said and he reached out to grab Carlos arm.

"CARLOS!"

With one swift moment Carlos slipped off the branch. He landed with a loud thud on the ground.

"Oh my god," Kendall whispered, "No, no, no, no, no,"

"Carlos bud, you tay?" A dunk Tad approached the Latino who was now withering on the ground in pain.

"TAD!" Kendall yelled. Ignoring the crippling fear he was now experiencing from the height and Carlos he quickly jumped down the tree landing perfectly on the ground, "Call 911," he ordered.

Tad just looked confused while Kendall checked Carlos for a pulse, he was able to find one but it was weak.

"Shit,"

**When writing this I thought it was really good, but re-reading it, it might not have been as awesome as I predicted. Sorry if I told you this chapter would be awesome and it wasn't as good. **

**It would be awesome though if you could review **


	8. Chapter 8

_**Kendall: Hidings not going to solve anything  
>James: No but it will temporarily keep us alive and I don't know about you but I LIKE LIVING! <strong>_

**I was watching Big Time Concert and I realized just how much Kendall and Logan gave up for James (not so much Carlos because he wants to be a superhero) and made me wonder if I would do that for my best friends. If I was offered a scholarship in something that I loved I don't know if I could give that up. Makes you wonder doesn't it? I think Big Time Concert shows us just how close the boys really are. **

**And I know Skippy was a nut job with his dark overlord and all, but I probably would have kept him ;) **

**Chapter Eight**

The next morning when Logan woke up, he had no idea where he was or why his head felt like it had a little band of marching monkeys playing drums in it. His body ached, his head ached and he was nauseous. What the heck happened last night?

He slowly opened his eyes, registering the pain the sun caused to his pounding head. Squinting to try and reduce the ache behind his eyes, he worked out that he was in James's room. Sprawled out on James's bed, still wearing the clothes from last night. On the bed side table were two white pills and a glass of water. Usually he'd be wary of random drugs sitting on a table. If he was at Carlos's he wouldn't go near the things. Even at Kendall's he probably won't risk it.

But he was at James's, so it was safe. James purposely left them there, ready for when he woke up. That was the sort of thing James did. The silent kindness that most would dismiss.

He drained the tablets quickly and laid back on the bed, wishfully hoping they'd take affect quickly.

"Look whose up," James said solemnly when he entered the room.

Logan looked up to see James towering over him, frown planted on the other boys face. He was dressed flawlessly ready for the day, and looked extremely pissed. The glare he was sending Logan and the defensive body language indicated that Logan had either done something really stupid last night, or said something really stupid.

"Hey James," He crocked, voice rough and hoarse.

"Lovely of you to join us," James said and he seated himself on his desk chair, facing the boy.

"Yea," Logan said slowly, "So…what happened last night?" he asked warily.

"You got wasted, like college frat party wasted. Like Euro trip meets American Pie wasted," James informed him.

Logan groaned, "Seriously? Did I do something stupid?"

"I caught you before you jumped off the balcony and stopped you before you were able to confess your hidden love for Tad," James admitted, "You're just damn lucky I got you home before you did something really stupid,"

"You have no idea how much I owe you man," Logan said.

James snorted, "You can say that again,"

There was an awkward silence for a moment, "Where's Kendall and Carlos?" Logan asked.

James sighed, "They didn't come back to mine, and I can't get a hold of Kendall,"

That didn't sound good, Logan thought.

"Well thanks man, but I better be going home," Logan said slowly, hoping to avoid further conversation.

"Wait," James said, "You know how you said you owe me? Well you can repay me right now,"

Logan eyed him suspiciously, "Okay…"

"I need you to answer something," James said more confidently then he felt.

Honestly he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the truth, after all nobody gets a bruise like that from an accident. But either way James knew he had to know. He couldn't deal with this. He couldn't live with himself knowing that something was slowly and painfully eating Logan up from the inside, afraid to tell anyone about it. James wasn't stupid, something was wrong. Drunk or not, Logan had confessed that to him.

James wasn't Kendall, he couldn't handle leadership the way the blonde could. He couldn't take care of people the way he did and he wished more than anything right now the blonde was here doing this instead of him. But Kendall wasn't here, Kendall was nowhere to be found and this conversation could not be put off any longer. They'd all being doing it. Delaying the inevitable, wishing and hoping it would just go away.

But it wasn't going to. Something needed to be done, and James was going to have to be the one to do it.

"I know you were extremely drunk last night, but you said some things. Some stuff I'm pretty sure wasn't drunken rambling," James started.

Logan froze, what the fuck did he say?

"You have to tell me what's going on man," James almost pleaded with the boy. He was scared, no he was terrified. That thought alone made him guiltier than ever. If he was feeling terrified, he didn't even want to imagine how Logan felt.

Logan laughed awkwardly and stood up, "What James? I was drunk, actually I was wasted. Nothing I said last night would have made any sense. It was all ramble, don't worry,"

James stood up too, intimidating the boy with his height, "Logan I'm not an idiot,"

"I never said you were,"

"Then stop treating me like one!" James said getting defensive, "Stop treating us all like we're morons!"

"I'm not!" Logan yelled.

"Yes you are!" He yelled back, "Something's wrong! Something's really wrong! Just tell me what's going on!"

"Nothing!" Logan said getting frantic, "Nothing is going on I swear,"

"STOP IT!" James roared, "STOP PRETENDING LIKE EVERYTHINGS OKAY WHEN ITS NOT!"

Logan just stood there shocked.

"Just stop it okay!" James asked, "I know everything's wrong, everything has been wrong for ages now. You act like someone's constantly going to rip you to shreds, Kendall's been acting mega weird lately and Carlos looks like a lost fucking puppy dog! Now I don't know what the fuck is wrong with Kendall and Carlos but I have a horrible feeling I know what's up with you! How they fuck could you not tell us?"

Logan was getting more frantic by the moment, "You don't know anything, nothing is wrong. Everything is fine." he said almost defeated.

"Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself Loge?" James asked, "Because if everything was fine you wouldn't have a fucking massive bruise on your back that looks like a car fucking ran you over!"

Logan was silent.

"Did a car run you over Logan or was it someone else," James asked rhetorically.

"James," Logan said slowly, "Stop."

"I can't stop Logan. You know I can't, I won't. You are in serious danger which you haven't told anyone about, and you expect me to just stop? How could you not tell me?"

"There's nothing to tell," Logan said calmly, composing himself, "Just drop it James, it doesn't concern you."

"How the fuck doesn't it concern me?" James asked.

"Because I'm asking you to stay out of it James, as my friend you will respect that," Logan said in a tone that ended the discussion. Logan went to the door but was stopped by James arm.

"How can I do that Loge?" James asked quietly tears welling up in his eyes, "How am I supposed to do that when my best mate since pre K, breaks down in tears about how everything is 'wrong' at the end of a party? How am I supposed to stay out of things when my best friend only talks to me when his drunk? How can I stay out of it when I'm at risk of losing one of the most fucking important people in my life? I lost my dad Logan, I'm not going to lose you too,"

With that James let go of Logan's arm and watched as the smaller boy walked away. Tears fell freely from his eyes and he collapsed on the bed.

*Beep* *Beep*

James picked up his phone and read the text message through blurry vision.

**Carlos is in the hospital, he's alright but you and Logan should get down here,**

**Kendall.**

-/-/-/-

Last night was supposed to be fun. They were supposed to go to a party, have a few drinks, kiss a few girls. It was just meant to be a drunken night of simple pleasures. How could something so innocent turn into something so not? How was Kendall supposed to know Logan would get wasted? How was he supposed to know James wouldn't be able to emotionally handle it?

How the fuck was he supposed to know Carlos would climb up a tree and then proceed to fall out of it?

How he wished they'd just gone to James's for the night like they had originally planned.

Then he wouldn't be sitting in a ridiculously uncomfortable hospital chair, waiting for his best friend to be cleared by the doctor.

Once the ambulance arrived last night he'd quickly been taken to the emergency room. Kendall had waited four hours in the waiting room by himself until the doctor had come gotten him.

He hadn't been able to reach Carlos's parents, nor did he know where the hell they were. James didn't pick up his phone and Logan's must have been turned off because it hadn't even rung. He didn't want to bother his mom at two in the morning when it wasn't even him in the hospital and all his other mates on the hockey team were wasted still at the party. Not that he would have really called them anyway.

So he waited by himself, alone on the plastic chair. He watched as people were taken in and released. He saw a young girl in tears wait 40 minutes before they looked at her fractured arm. He saw an old women coughing violently be escorted in instantly. He even saw a man come in with a finger bent in the wrong direction wait an hour and a half until they helped him.

After four hours of waiting he was directed to Carlos's room to find the boy sleeping. Apparently he had a mild concussion and would be alright, but it was better to keep him in overnight for observation.

Kendall had slept in the plastic chair all night and now they were waiting for Mr. Garcia to discharge Carlos from the hospital because he was under age. Mr. Garcia wasn't available until after work though, so they'd have to wait another hour until he got here.

"I'm bored," Carlos complained from his bed.

Kendall rolled his eyes, "This is your fault." He reminded.

He pouted, "I didn't mean to fall out of the tree,"

"You shouldn't have been up there in the first place!" Kendall almost shouted, "How much did you have to drink anyway?"

Carlos shrugged, "A bit,"

"Don't you have a hangover?" Kendall sure did and he didn't even drink that much. Then again his head could be hurting because of all the stress the Latino was causing him.

"Nah, I don't get hangovers. My head hurts a bit but I think that's from the fall," Carlos stated.

"Dick," Kendall muttered, "You're bloody lucky all you got was a headache,"

"It wasn't that bad,"

"The doctor said you were lucky you didn't crack open you skull. Of all days you don't wear that stupid helmet,"

Carlos smiled sheepishly, "Helmet got lost when I was dancing, I think Tad has him,"

"I hate Tad," Kendall declared.

"No you don't," Carlos smiled.

"Yes I do. For pulling a stunt like this he'll be lucky if I don't bench him the rest of the season,"

Carlos just rolled his eyes and played with his scratchy hospital blanket.

"How come your dad is making you wait in the hospital an extra hour? Cant he get off?" Kendall asked curiously. If Kendall was the one in hospital his mom would have skipped work entirely to be here. Then again she also would have picked up the phone at two in the morning. What parent wouldn't?

"It's not like it's the first time I've been in the hospital Kendall," Carlos laughed, "probably won't be the last either,"

Kendall smiled, "Yea I guess. But still shouldn't they be here?"

Carlos just shrugged and for a split second Kendall saw hurt flash across his face "It's alright," He replied, "Their really busy,"

Kendall didn't look at all impressed but didn't have a chance to argue more because James came storming into the room.

"You wouldn't believe how unhelpful people are. It took me three nurses and four doctors to find this room. You'd think I was trying to steal something, all I wanted was a room number, but no because I'm a teenager all I want to do is rob the hospital obviously. Do I look like a hooligan to you? Idiot's, people I swear. I wouldn't even be in this god forsaken place if it wasn't for some moron who… wait let me read the message. Fell out of a tree! Explain!" James ranted angrily.

Carlos just grinned sheepishly while Kendall rolled his eyes, "Who told you he fell out of a tree? " He asked.

"Clearly not you! After your message I get one from Jackson asking how Carlos was after his accident and then on the way here Tad asked me how Carlos was. I think he's still a bit wasted, but he seems concerned," James laughed.

"I hate Tad," Kendall stated.

James just rolled his eyes, "Want to explain Carlitos?"

Carlos sighed, "I got a bit drunk and thought it would be cool to climb up a tree. Then I fell out of it,"

"So you actually feel out of a tree?" James repeated.

"Yea, Kendall tried to climb up and get me but that didn't work,"

"And you actually got up the tree?" James laughed.

"Shut up," Kendall groaned, "Where's Logan?"

James shrugged turning bitter, "No idea, home I guess?"

"What do you mean?" Kendall asked sounding concerned.

James sighed, "Logan also got a bit drunk last night but I managed to get him home before he ended up like Carlos. Then this morning I fought with him and he left,"

"What do you mean you fought?" Carlos asked uncertainly.

"I mean his a dumbass," James answered calmly.

Kendall sighed and rubbed his face, it had been a long night/day, "What did you argue about?"

"Everything," James said, "The fact that his hiding something from us,"

James didn't want to go into details. He didn't want to tell Kendall his theory. At the moment that's all it way, just a theory. He had no evidence to back it up, and honestly he didn't want any. While it may be plausible, he didn't want to tell anyone. Not yet.

Thinking it was one thing, saying out loud meant it was real. He didn't want it to be real. He wasn't ready for it to be real.

"Did you get an answer?" Kendall asked.

"No," James said defeated, "He just walked out,"

They sat in silence for a moment, each in his own world.

"Where the hell is your mom Carlos?" James asked.

Her son was in the hospital, shouldn't she be here?

"She's busy. Dads going to pick me up soon," Carlos said.

James turned to Kendall disgusted, he just sighed knowingly.

"Right," James said.

**For this story I have some very loyal reviewers who I just want to take the time and thank now They know who they are. **

**It's weird because I only get like three reviews per chapter, but this story has more story alerts and favorites then any of my other stories. It's odd. So it would be great if some of those silent readers could review so I could thank them :P**

**Either way though, THANK YOU FOR READING! **


	9. Chapter 9

**I feel so productive today. Work= done. Homework = somewhat done. MMFLSE update = done. For me that's pretty good On a completely unrelated note, who agrees that Simple Plans new song 'Jet Lag' is perfect for Kendall and Jo? I'm seriously obsessed with it at the moment.  
>Now I'm honestly not even sure where this chapter has come from. I have so much still planned for this story so I have to make things go a bit faster. It would be really, really great though if you could tell me if you even like this story? I do, but it seems as nobody else really does lol<strong>

**Chapter Nine**

_**Suppose that I missed you, Suppose that I care, And suppose that I spent all my nights running scared, And suppose, that I was never there – Suppose, Secondhand Serenade**_

"Hey mom," Kendall called entering the living room. He was tired and he was frustrated, he wanted nothing more then to go to bed. And it was only 4 in the afternoon.

"Hey honey, where have you been?" Jennifer asked trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. Every day she had to keep reminding herself that Kendall was a big boy who could look after himself. He was 16, she had to trust him he could go to a party and act responsibly.

"At the hospital," Kendall said getting straight to the point, too tired to beat around the bush.

"What?" Jennifer shouted. She quickly jumped from the couch and checked her son for injuries, "What happened? Did you get hurt? Were their stitches? Please tell me it wasn't alcohol poisoning."

Kendall sighed but smiled at his mother. This was the way a mother was supposed to act.

"No I'm fine, I swear," He added when she continued to pat him down. He guided his mother to couch and pulled her into a hug. A little confused Jennifer took the opportunity to tightly cuddle her son close to her. It wasn't often her 16 year old son initiated this kind of affection. So no matter the reason she was going to take advantage of it.

"Are you sure?" She asked clutching him tightly.

"Yea, it was Carlos," He admitted, still holding his mom seeking her close comfort, "He drank a bit and climbed a tree. He then proceeded to fall out of it. He had a minor concussion but his fine now."

"What?" she cried, "Kendall you should have called me,"

"It was 2am Mom and I was fine, I didn't want to worry you," He said pulling away.

She frowned, "He's okay now though?"

"Yea, his at home now," Kendall said however his tone was uncertain.

"What wrong then Ken?" Jennifer asked pushing Kendall's blonde hair from his eyes and stroking his cheek. Clearly something was bothering the boy as he biting his lip nervously.

Kendall hesitated, he didn't know how he was supposed to express his concerns to his Mom. He was probably just being stupid. But it was hard for him not to worry about his best friends.

"Its just," Kendall started, "Carlos. And his parents. And Logan, and even James. Everything just seems to be wrong lately,"

"What do you mean?" She asked.

He exhaled loudly, "When I tried to call Carlo's parents no one answered. And then this morning they said they wouldn't be able to come get him until after three because they were busy. They have work and everything but shouldn't they have been their straight away? I know it's not the first time he's been in hospital but still. If it had been me, you'd be their straight away. And James's mom would have too. Carlos just gets left out all the time, his parent's push him to the side heaps. It doesn't seem right,"

Jennifer frowned, Kendall was far beyond his years in so many things it often frightened her. She knew Mr. and Mrs. Garcia. They were lovely people and she didn't have a bad thing to say about them. But she understood where her son was coming from. If Kendall or Katie had been in the hospital she would have been there in a heat beat no matter what she was doing. She couldn't understand why all other parents didn't feel this way.

"You know they're just busy Kendall, they love Carlos very much," She assured.

"I know," Kendall said, "But sometimes I think Carlos doesn't."

She frowned and pulled her son into another hug, "How are James and Logan?"

He laughed unamused, "James is depressed about his dad leaving still and snaps at everyone. And Logan is…" He wasn't sure whether he should tell his mom about the bruises, "Logan is just…Logan."

She frowned, "Is that a good thing?"

"Undecided," Kendall concluded. He honestly had no idea what was going on with Logan. And that frightened him. Logan was just… so 'off' lately. Why wouldn't the smaller boy just open up to him?

"I'm sorry everything seems so bad right now, but I know it will get better," Jennifer said.

"Promise?" Kendall asked child-like.

"Promise," She assured.

"Thanks mom," He smiled. He kissed his mom on the check and began to walk to his room

"Wait honey," She stopped him.

"Yea?"

"You have another letter," Jennifer said quietly.

Kendall frowned and bitterly replied, "Throw it,"

"Kendall," She pleaded, desperate to get her son to try and talk about it.

"I don't want it Mom,"

"Kendall he's trying," She argued.

"Its too late for that,"

With that Kendall went to his room and slammed the door shut with force. He hated his father. He hated him with a passion. Seven years the man doesn't try to communicate with him and suddenly he thinks he can fix everything with a few letters? Letter weren't going to make up for what he did. Explanations weren't going to fix what Kendall had to go through. Kendall gave up caring about the man years ago, he didn't need him now.

-/-/-/-

When Logan woke up the next morning in his own bed, he knew the pleasant ambiance from last night wouldn't continue. After fighting with James he'd gotten home to find his dad in an alright mood. The man had acknowledged his presence with a slight nod then gone into his office. For the entire day he didn't come out and Logan was able to go to bed without any disruptions. That was the best it had been for weeks.

Showering and dressing, he hoped his father's temporary good mood would at least last until he got home from school. This however was a pipe dream. The moment Logan walked into the kitchen his father screeched,

"Where the hell have you been boy?"

Confused Logan answered, "Asleep?"

"No I mean the other night," He growled like it was obvious what he was talking about.

"I was at James's," Logan answered.

"James? That long haired fag kid?"

No matter if Logan was pissed at James or not, his didn't appreciate his father insulting his friends, "He's not a fag dad,"

"Excuse me?" The man replied, "That boy is the leader of the fag parade. Morons you hang around, no wonder. The kids obviously rubbing off on you."

Logan chose to ignore that comment and eat his breakfast. They ate in uncomfortable silence except for the loud, annoyed huffs his father would exhale every few minutes. When Logan was finished with his cereal he took his bowl to the sink. A simple task that as usual he managed to screw up. Missing the sink the bowl landed on the ground with a loud smash, crumbling into many tiny pieces.

"What the fuck?" His father shouted when the bowl broke.

"S-sorry. It was an accident," Logan stumbled, quickly trying to clean up only to cut his hand on a shattered piece of glass.

The man rose from his chair fury in his eyes, "Can you do nothing right boy?" he sneered. Thomas's eyes burnt with anger, frightening Logan. Clearly he had angered his father more from his already bad mood. Of all days, why did it have to be today?

"I'm sorry sir," Logan muttered intimidated, avoiding any and all eye contact.

"Seriously, why did I have to raise such a disappointment? All you ever do is continue to disappoint me. Every single fucking day Logan. Why are you even still here? You haven't done anything right since your mother was here!" He shouted.

"Dad, I'm sorry," Logan tried but he was cut off.

"No seriously," He cried, "What are you even still doing here?"

"Dad…"

"No Logan, this is it. I can't take it anymore. Get out of my house!"

"You can't kick me out," Logan desperately tried not to beg. He knew his dad hated him, but this?

"yes I can, this is my house. Get out! I don't want you here. Your nothing but a useless fuck," The man sneered.

"You cant do this!" Logan shouted back, "I'm your son,"

"If you were really my son you wouldn't be such a fucking fag. Just like your slut of a mother,"

"Don't call her that!" Logan shouted.

"Don't you dare talk back to me," Thomas shouted and backhanded Logan across the face.

Fuming now, Logan held the side of his face and shot daggers at his father, "Don't talk about my mother like that! Just because you're a useless excuse for a father and were an even worse husband doesn't mean you can take it out on me. This is my home you can't just kick me out!" Logan retorted.

"This is not your home," He snarled. Within seconds fists collided with Logan's face and ribs. The boy was thrown helplessly against the ground as he clutched his ribs and nose.

"When I come home tonight, you better not be," Thomas whispered harshly, and with that the man left.

Logan laid helplessly on the ground as tears fell from his eyes. Why was the happening to him? Was he that horrible in a past life he deserved this? First his mother, now his own father was kicking him out? Where would he go? What would he do?

He didn't have any money, he didn't have a job. He literally had no where to stay.

Well, technically that wasn't true. Kendall, James and Carlos would all take him in within a heat beat. At least he hoped they would. But what if they didn't want anything to do with him anymore? What if James never spoke to him again after the argument? What if they wouldn't look at him once they found out?

Insecurities and doubts quickly flooded Logan's fragile mind like the plague.

He was useless, pathetic. Everything his dad said was true. He couldn't do anything, he wouldn't amount to anything useful. He was a complete waste of space and wished his father had just done the deed and gotten rid of him for good. He didn't want to be here anymore, he couldn't do it anymore. He wanted to be with his mother.

He wanted to go back to a time and place where he was worthy of love. He wanted his mothers warm arms wrapped around him as he took in her smell.

No, Logan thought furiously. You don't deserve that. You've pushed everyone away. You lied and deceived and manipulated everyone to the point where he was revolted in himself. He pushed James away, he lied to Kendall's face and he threw Carlos to the side. All they ever tried to do was help him, but he didn't deserve that anymore.

He had gotten himself into this mess, but now he had no idea how he was supposed to get himself out.

He laid there, on the cool, hard kitchen floor. Sobbing and clutching what he assumed was several broken ribs. Why couldn't the world do something right for once and just let it end?

**Hmmm, very undecided as to I actually like this chapter or not.**

**Thanks for reading, review? :P **


	10. Chapter 10

_**James: Not even a smile  
>Logan: I really thought the puppet show would work<br>Carlos: *raises hand* I liked it  
>Logan: *Squeaky voice* Thanks, at least someone appreciates my ART!<br>**_**Big Time Single was awesome. Who kept thinking PLANKING every time Kendall, James or Carlos was lying down? Only me…. Awkward…. Okay…Haha **

**Okay due to being back at school I haven't had much time to update, and that will probably continue. But I plan to update this and "BTS II" as much as I can. But school comes first *UGH* Now when I first wrote this I was in a pretty dark place, I'm fine now and it gets normal. But for me, this gets very OOC. And finally this story is heading into the direction I **_**actually **_**planned. Like clearly, I planned it all, but the original idea for the story is finally coming together. Spoiler, James's mom will be very OOC from the show. **

"_**Skies are crying, I am watching, Catching teardrops in my hands, Only silence as it's ending, like we never had a chance, Do you have to, make me feel like there is nothing left of me?" Skyscraper, Demi Lovato **_

**Chapter 10**

Carlos hated school. He honestly didn't see the point of it sometimes, how was algebra and trigonometry ever going to help him in real life? 'To Kill a Mockingbird' wasn't going to help him in a hockey game, and it certainly wasn't going to help him when he did a stupid stunt that landed him in the hospital. The whole atmosphere of school confused him. If it wasn't for hockey and the social aspect of it, he probably would have given up a long time ago. He didn't need science or Latin where he was going, who anywhere needed Latin? It was a dead language. Although Carlos himself was still unsure as to where he was going, one thing he knew for sure, was it didn't involve an 'A' education.

"Hey,"

James casually strolled into Biology taking a seat next to Carlos who until now had been lost in thought.

"Where's Logan?"

Carlos frowned, "His not with you?"

Logan hadn't been in homeroom that morning, but the boys hadn't been too concerned. They figured he was just running late so they'd parted to their classes at ease. However now it was second session Biology, one of the few classes Logan, James, Kendall and Carlos shared together, with still no sign of the brunette anywhere,

"No," James replied, "Maybe he's with Kendall?"

Rapidly Kendall entered the classroom, walking swiftly pushing past the assortment of teenagers. A visible scowl was evident on his face however it was contradicted by the clear concern pouring out of his eyes.

"Logan didn't turn up to math," Kendall said instantly taking a seat.

Carlos and James frowned, Logan was barely one to get sick, let alone miss class. A gut-wrenching urge to throw up quickly penetrated James.

"Have you tried calling him?" James asked nonchalant.

"Three phone calls and five text messages, yet no answer," Kendall sighed.

"Maybe we're just over reacting," Carlos tried, technically they had no proof that anything was even going on with the smaller brunette. Really for all they knew he was just late, or sick or just going through some kind of weird phase.

"Maybe," Kendall said unconvinced, "But what if Stevens got him?"

"Or worse," James added more to himself than anyone else.

Carlos and Kendall gave the pretty boy a quick confused look, "Okay, at lunch I say we ditch and look for Logan?" Kendall suggested.

James and Carlos quickly agreed.

Math went far longer for James then he thought humanly capable. He found it virtually impossible to focus on anything other than Logan. Thoughts of the boy hurt, and lost, and broken, continued to enter his mind even after he begged himself not to. All he could think about was that if Logan was hurt, it was entirely his fault. If Logan was found injured somewhere, he would be the one to blame. Because he is the only one who knows, he is the only one who continues to know, and not tell anyone. Visions of Logan laying bloody on a kitchen floor entered his mind that he had to violent shake off. Stop it, he scowled himself, you have absolutely no proof that anything is even wrong. You heard Logan deny the whole thing.

Technically he doesn't know, his not supposed to at least. But it doesn't take a genius to work out what's going on. The bruises, the jumping, the timidness. It all makes so much sense, he could literally kick himself for not realizing sooner. Then again, who wants to believe what's going on? Don't we just all want to live in a perfect world where nothing bad happens? Where parents are always there and they don't leave us when we need them most. Where friendships really do mean forever and hearts and bones do continue to get broken? James didn't want to believe what was happening, nobody did. So they pretended like it wasn't. They acted like everything was fine.

But it wasn't, it hadn't been fine in a long time. Each discarding the truth to seek that little hope of perfection they can get. Living in a society that strives for perfection made them get lost along the way. They lost who they were, they fell into the conformist world, accepting that everything has to be flawless to be right. Where had that gotten them?

Dead beat, runaway and drug addicted fathers? Mothers who put too much pressure on trying to make things 'normal'? Parents who are so preoccupied with making things better, they lost the true meaning a long time ago?

Look where they are now? Helpless, fearful and plain right morons for letting it get this far!

What felt like a century later the bell finally went and James, Kendall and Carlos bolted from their seats into the hall.

"Okay, me and Carlos will go check the cafeteria and see if anyone's seen him, James you go hang by your locker for a while and see if he turns up," Kendall instructed. While Kendall and Carlos's locker were next to the gym, James and Logan's were down the hall, "In 20 we meet at the front of the school, okay?"

James and Carlos quickly agreed and the boys parted ways. Sick to his stomach with worry now James paced to his locker pushing aside random, hormonal teenagers. Almost reaching his locker James didn't have time to register running into a particularly small boy in the rush.

"What the hell James?" Logan exclaimed angrily from the ground where he had landed from the collision.

"Logan?" James asked surprised picking himself up.

"Yea, who else would it be?" he asked annoyed as he collected his books.

Before he could reply further, James froze in his tracks. The evidence of everything so apparent on the older boys face made everything so clear, that if he could, James would have hurled right there. The usually happy face of Logan Mitchell was now covered in what appeared to be dark, forming bruises. Below his right eye a particularly nasty looking purple color was outlined, the side of his lip was cut and his eyebrow looked as if it had been smashed into something sharp. On the boys neck bruising and cuts were bold and James could only predict that they went right down his chest. He didn't want to imagine where else the bruising led to or what other repercussions of what had happened where viable on his body.

"What the fuck," James whispered alarmed.

Logan ducked his head, "It's nothing,"

Fuming at this point, James grabbed the collar of the smaller boys shirt more roughly then intended and dragged him into the nearest empty class room.

"Explain," James snarled, "now."

"Its nothing," Logan tried again weakly. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. What could he do? The bruises were more than clear for the entire world to see how much a failure he really was. There was no hiding or denying what had happened. He couldn't possibly blame it on a tree or a table this time. Clumsiness and misjudgment would not work. He could possibly blame it on Michael Stevens? Say that he had meet him before class and received the worst beating of his time. Somehow though he couldn't picture a reality where that worked, these injuries were far worse than any bully had or ever would give him. Bullies were merciful, they understood repercussions. No 16 year old wants to go to juvenile home No, it was strikingly obvious what had happened. James would know, he had always know, just kind enough to ignore it.

No longer could he hide under the hideous bruises left by the person who was supposed to love him.

"Logan, please," James pleaded.

James would now know how much of a truly awful person he was. James would see and hear the stories, and then toss Logan aside just as his father had. James would know the truth of his failure as a son and how he couldn't do anything to a reasonable standard. Logan would be left with nothing but guilt and humiliation as James let him fall through the cracks like the world intended. James would realize, once he saw it all, once he heard it all, that he wasn't worth the time.

Too tired to do anything else and too scared of the effect the truth held, Logan did the only thing that made sense. Logan wept.

Sliding against the wall and brining his knees close to his chest for comfort, Logan cried.

Startled at first James simply watched as the brunette curled into himself crying. Coming to his senses however the pretty boy quickly knelt down beside his best friend pulling the smaller boy close to his chest and cradled him.

"I'm so sorry," Logan cried hysterically trying to free himself for the boys grasp "So, so sorry. I-I didn't mean too. All m-my fault, fault. I'm sorry. Please…"

The boy continued to plead and James simply let him ride it out, however refusing to let go. Pulling him tightly against his chest he soothed comforting words to the boy as he stroked his back. James wasn't sure what to do, never before had he been in a position with such a fragile being, he just held onto the boy offering any comfort he could give.

After several minutes of Logan crying and pleading for forgiveness he slowly started to calm down, hiccupping slightly for the outburst. More silence lead the boy to stop making sounds completely and James feared he might have fallen asleep in his arms.

"Logan?" James whispered still clutching his best friend for dear might.

"Yea?" Logan asked timidly, more timidly then James had ever heard the boy speak before.

"Did your dad do this to you?"

Logan hesitated but decided it was time to give up. He nodded slightly against James's chest, feeling frightened and humiliated at the same time, "I'm sorry," he barely whispered.

James sighed. A sigh that was directed to the world. The world that had forced them to go through such endeavors and never given them the time to repair. Logan didn't deserve this, he thought, Logan was his best friend. Logan was sweet and kind, he didn't deserve this kind of punishment. James honestly couldn't think of _any _person that deserved this. He wouldn't wish this upon his worst enemy let alone his best friend.

"I-I'm so s-sorry," Logan said between hiccups. James just continued to hold the boy close, torn between wanting to rip Mr. Mitchell to shreds and never wanting to let go of his best friend.

"Let's get you cleaned up Loge," James said slowly and lifted the smaller boy into the standing position.

"W-what?" Logan asked confused, eyes red from crying and nose running.

"I'm betting you don't want the school nurse to see these bruises, but they need to be looked after or they'll get infected. I'll take you home, my mom will do it," James said simply taking the boys hand.

Logan however pulled his hand away harshly, "I can't see your mom. Not like this," Not while he looked as if a car had hit him and then decided to back over him for good measure.

"Would you rather we go to the hospital?" James asked.

"No," Logan said in a small voice. If he went to a hospital they'd ask questions, questions he wasn't prepared to answer. James knew that.

"Would you rather me call Kendall and we get his mom?" James asked again.

"No," Logan said.

"Exactly, and because those cuts need to be attended too my mom is the best option. If I ask her she wouldn't ask questions, for a while at least. At least until we've decided what we're going to do," James negotiated.

However Logan wasn't listening to the negotiating part, "We?" He asked.

We, as in us? As in together?

James smiled and put his hand on Logan shoulder, "Yes we. Bullshit your doing this alone anymore Loges,"

Logan smiled timidly but frowned, "You don't hate me?"

James tried hard not to groan, "You're my best friend Loge, I could never hate you. Not for this,"

Logan nodded, still not quite understanding. Then again, Logan wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to understand.

**Reminder, while it may look like it (extremely look like it) this is not a slash. But you know, in this chapter if you look hard enough (maybe even not at all) it kind of looks like it. I'll let you as a reader take this however you want. **

**Hope your enjoying, will update as SOON as I can :P**

**Also, I know I'm not that interesting but if you want you should follow me on twitter and I'll follow you back. I check it like EVERYDAY no joke, so if you wanna talk I'll be there, just ask for it :D **


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry this took so long, but this seriously took a lifetime to write. It's pretty long though, so I think that makes up for it. At the moment this story is very Logan central, but I have not forgotten about my other characters and believe me they have major plot lines coming up. But Logan's needs to be explored a bit more before I can do that, otherwise its gets too confusing and doesn't really fit in that well. So don't worry, all your favorites will get there amount of angst and story time. I have plans, believe me, I have plans. *evil laughs* **

**Enjoy :D **

"_**Couldn't take the blame, sick with shame, Must be exhausting to lose your own game, Selfishly hated, no wonder you're jaded, You can't play the victim this time and you're too late" – Call Me When You're Sober, Evanescence **_

**Chapter 11**

Kendall wanted to throw his phone across the park for more reasons than one. If he didn't have this constant love/hate relationship with the small device he was sure it would be tossed across the play equipment with all his might.

He loved his phone because it kept him in contact with his best friends, although at the same time he hated it because at this very moment, when he desperately needed it to, it refused to ring.

James had taken off to only god knows where after lunch and Logan was still missing. Neither had thought to contact the leader, or even send him a crappy text message indicating there were still alive. It didn't seem to matter how many messages he left, neither would pick up their phones. And frankly now, he was pissed. Not only had two of his best friends decided to not bother telling him where they were, they were also quite content to let him worry like an over protective parent about their whereabouts. He had no idea where they hell they were, or if they were together, or if they were lying in a ditch across town.

He did know however, that was when he found them, he would beat the crap out of them. Then he would proceed to attached tracking devices and leads to their fat heads.

"I'm sure there fine," Carlos mumbled unconvincingly. The Latino and leader sat on a bench in the park, baffled as to where to look next. They'd been searching all afternoon and now they were just tired.

"It would be nice to know," Kendall muttered.

Carlos nodded and once again silence lingered between the two, each lost in thought.

"You don't really think something would happen to them, do you?" Carlos broke the silence with the question that terrified him most.

Kendall exhaled loudly, he wanted to say no. He desperately and truly wanted to say nothing was wrong. That James had just gone home and Logan was just sick with a small cold. But he couldn't lie to Carlos. He couldn't lie to his smaller best friend who looked up to him like his word was God. Because this time they _knew _something wasn't right. They weren't stupid, the first placed they'd looked for Logan was his house. Of course he wasn't there, but it had been unlocked so they'd let themselves in. Inside was as usual as anything until they hit the kitchen. Clearly there had been some sort of argument between someone because chairs littered the floor and plates smashed on the ground. Kendall's stomach had dropped when he saw the blood on the floor, that was when he knew.

"I'm not sure," Kendall said choosing his words carefully.

"But," Carlos hesitated, "You don't think it was his, do you?"

Kendall sighed knowing exactly what 'it' was, "I hope not."

That's not what Carlos wanted to hear, "What do we do now?"

Kendall shrugged, wishing he had more answers, "I don't know."

Carlos ducked his head and started fiddling with his jumper. The boys were faced with a slightly uncomfortable silence again, until Carlos mustered up the courage to ask an ever more dangerous question.

"Have you heard from him?"

Startled Kendall's head snapped up, "From who?"

Carlos shifted uncomfortably, now unsure why he would ask such a question "You know," He mumbled.

Kendall's eyes narrowed, "No I don't," He tried to stay calm, "Who?"

"Well, I overheard Katie the other day. She said she got some letters, I thought maybe…" Carlos trailed off uncertain, why was he daring enough to even bring up the subject in the first place? He should have thought before he opened his big mouth. If there was one topic completely unapproachable with Kendall it was his father. Why did he think now would be any different? Maybe he just needed something to take his mind of what was really going on, clearly he'd chosen the wrong thing to distract him.

"Katie shouldn't be replying to them," Kendall said forcefully.

"It's her dad Ken,"

"He stopped being our dad a long time ago," Kendall spat.

Carlos sighed, "At least his trying."

Kendall gave a short sarcastic laugh, "Bit late for that now,"

Carlos shrugged, "I guess,"

Kendall eyed him skeptically, "How are your mom and dad?" Everybody knew Carlos's parents were still together, on paper it almost seemed like they had the perfect family. But Carlos never talked about them, sometimes Kendall wondered if everything was as ideal as it seemed.

"There fine," Was all he said.

"Really?"

Carlos nodded, "Yea. I mean Dad's been working a heap lately and Mom's been stressed out with Joey and Alicia. It's all good though," He added.

Kendall nodded, not entirely convinced but chose not to dig further. Logan was still their main priority at the moment.

"Come on, let's go for a walk," Maybe he was lying in a gutter somewhere, Kendall thought bitterly.

"Yea, okay,"

-/-/-/

"I don't think this is a good idea," Logan repeated for what felt like the hundredth time. James was seriously going to slap the boy around himself if he didn't shut up.

"We don't have another choice Loges, it's this or the hospital. Or worse," James repeated.

James looked over to Logan who looked like a deer caught in the headlights. His eyes were still violently red from crying and the bruises were becoming a dark purple color.

"I could just go back home," Logan said mumbled.

"You can't go back home," James said firmly, "Come on, mom will be home."

Logan didn't say anything but let himself be dragged by James into his house. Upon entering Logan was instantly met with a sense of comfort. Mrs. Diamond had the heater up a high degree to keep it warm and the smell of warm biscuits entered his nostrils indicating she had been cooking.

"She cooks a lot now," James said turning to Logan. He blushed, unaware that he was that easy to read, "Sit down, I'll go get her."

"Don't tell her," Logan blurted.

James frowned but complied, "Okay, but she's going to ask."

Logan just nodded and took a seat on the couch while James went to the kitchen. The room was decorated a nice off white and pearl color, reflecting perfectly Brooke Diamonds make-up company. The house was clean and organized, but was still comforting. Brooke obviously kept it clean, but not one of those women who feel the need to make it look like a display home, it still looked like a family lived there. A big TV faced the couch along with other flowers and assortments evenly scattered around the place perfectly. Logan wondered if Mrs. Diamond had ever looked into interior designing.

He sat uncomfortably on the very edge of the couch. Everything was so clean, and he was so not. He felt like he was just contaminating the house by just sitting there. What would happen now? What was Mrs. Diamond going to do?

He didn't want to be a burden to the women and mother who was already going through so much. Clearly Brooke wasn't taking her new arrangements very well, Logan couldn't justify being more of a burden to her. James and his mom shouldn't have to look after him just because him father didn't. They shouldn't have to go through this trouble. Logan was a mess. Logan was a burden. Nobody wanted him. Brooke shouldn't have to pretend like she did, neither should James. He contemplated heading for the door straight then and leaving without questions. But he didn't have any where else to go, and he'd have to face James eventually, that would only result in him being dragged back here. Or worse.

"What do you mean?" Brooke Diamond said frowning. While Logan was contemplating his escape from the Diamond house with as little mess possible, James was trying to explain the situation to his mother in as little words possible.

"You just need to clean him up a bit," James tried to shrug it off casually. He had promised Logan he wasn't going to tell, so he wasn't. But his mom wasn't an idiot, and didn't deserve to be treated like one. She knew something was up the moment James came home in the middle of school and told her he needed help.

"Why does he need to be cleaned up?" She raised an eyebrow.

James sighed, "He' a bit…hurt, is all,"

Instantly Brookes face turned to concern and she pushed past James to go to Logan. James quickly grabbed her arms and pulled her back into the kitchen frantically.

"Wait!" He hissed.

"What do you mean wait James?" She asked annoyed, "if he's really hurt he'll need medical attention. Do we need to take him to the hospital?"

When James hesitated to answer she panicked, "James does he need to go to hospital!"

"I don't know!" He admitted, "But he won't let me take him. Look you just have to trust me," He pleaded.

She stopped and looked into her sons eyes that were scared and confused, "James, what's going on?"

He sighed, "Logan's hurt and you need to fix him,"

"How did he get hurt?" She asked still extremely confused.

"I can't tell," James ducked his head avoiding her eyes.

"What do you mean you can't tell me? James Tyler Diamond, what on earth is going on? Did Logan get into a fight?" She demanded.

James cringed slightly, not wishing to meet the wrath of his mother, which he would never admit sometimes being very afraid of, "No he didn't get into a fight. Look I can't tell you, it's not my place. That's something Logan has to do. Now will you please trust me? Logan really needs help and he refuses a hospital and could be really hurt and I don't know what else to do," He ended frantically.

Instantly Mrs. Diamond softened and pulled her son into a tight hug. James desperately tried to stop the tears from escaping his eyes, he refused to cry.

"Let's just do this okay?" She asked and James nodded while pulling away.

Mrs. Diamond braced herself for what she was about to see. Well, she didn't know what she was about to see. However judging from her son's very fragile state she guessed it wasn't going to be pretty. How could Logan possibly be so hurt it would send her son in such a state of turmoil?

When Brooke entered her own living room, she instantly wanted to go back to the kitchen. No matter how much she had tried to prepare herself, nothing would have made her ready for _that._

Logan Mitchell, Logan her sons best friend since kindergarten. Logan the boy who she'd seen as a six year old grow into gorgeous looking young man, looked absolutely dreadful. Dreadful didn't even cover what she was looking at, it made her sick. It made her want to throw up.

Plastering the most comforting smile she could mange she approached Logan carefully, hoping it would look better as she ascended towards him. Not to her surprise, it just got worse. Purple bruises covered all his visible skin, his lip was cut and dried blood stained his face. One of his eyes was black and over all it looked like he had come off the worst in a fight, or been run over by a truck.

"Logan," She whispered and quickly pulled him in a bone crushing hug.

Logan wasn't ready for the hug and instantly put his hands up to guard his face expecting the worse. When Brooke however ignored his defensive stand and embraced him into tight hug, he stiffened up.

"What happened?" He asked, ignoring the way he simply sat there almost petrified against her.

Logan didn't answer, the close contact making him nervous. He knew it shouldn't, hugs should not scare him. But he couldn't help it. He couldn't shake off the feeling that behind every adult was a looming demon, simply waiting for all his defensive walls to crumble before they struck.

"Logan, are you okay?" Brooke held him at arm's length, gently stroking the side of his check as he flinched and tried to move out of her grasp.

"Mrs. Diamond," Logan mumbled, squirming.

Brooke hesitated, the last thing she wanted to do was let this boy go. He was hurt, no, he was broken. Whatever he had been through had physically and emotionally drained the boy. Her motherly instincts were running in over drive and all she wanted to do was hold him until everything was better.

Ever since his mother had died it wasn't difficult to see he lacked the comfort he needed. Brooke as a mother had seen the change in the younger male long ago. Every child needs a mother to lean on when things get hard, they need a hand to hold and arms to hug them when things seem to tumble down. They need someone to tell them its going to be alright and just hold them while they cry.

The lost look in Logan's eyes indicated openly that his father had not tried to substitute that. If it was up to her, she would never let the boy go, and coddle him until she could make things the tiniest bit better. But she didn't want to damage him further, clearly he had gone through a lot, and it was going to take a bit of time before she could fully do that.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up," She said with a small smile on her face.

Logan hesitated, but eventually took the hand she stretched out and allowed her to help him to his feet.

She gently tugged him to the bathroom muttering things like, 'towels, aspirin, bandages,' with James trailing behind.

The small brunette turned and gave his friend a very frightened look, to which the pretty boy just smiled, "Trust me,"

Logan sighed, he didn't. But he couldn't tell anyone that, who would understand?

**The Big Time Rush boy's parents, are a big part of this story. So I hope no one is disappointed if this story strays from just the boys, so their parents making more of an appearance. The story is still primarily based around them, but the parents are going to be a big part about it. **

**Tell me what you think, this story's still far from over xD **

**Review? **


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve **

"_**All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around, I've been giving out chances everytime and all you do is let me down, And its taking me this long but baby I figured you out, And you think it will be fine again but not this time around" –Tell Me why, Taylor Swift.**_

Carlos threw his basketball in the air, and caught it effortlessly 2 second later.

He sighed pathetically as he repeated the process again. After having no luck finding Logan or James, the boys decided the only productive thing to do was go home and eat. It was already 6:30 by the time they gave up, and in all fairness they were hungry. Kendall said he'd try to call both Logan and James and their homes when he got back, and would call him if he heard anything. All they could do until then was just hope for the best, after all they were pretty sure everything was okay.

Kind of.

So Carlos went home to find his house in complete chaos as per usual. His older brother Beau was fighting with his dad about something, Angel was crying because she was tired and his mother was yelling at Xavier because he had dropped a plate. He was sure Noah and Sofia were also yelling about something but he didn't bother sticking around to find out. He quickly bolted up to his room unnoticed and slammed his door.

Screaming could be heard from downstairs but it wasn't worth going down to check it out, he'd probably just end up being blamed for something.

Suddenly there was a knock at his door, and 18 year old Beau peeked through grinning madly, "I thought I heard you come in,"

Carlos gave a weak smile, "Thought I'd stay out of the line of fire,"

Beau laughed, "Good idea, so I didn't see you at school today,"

Carlos face dropped as Beau winked, "Don't worry I won't say anything."

Instantly he felt better. He and Beau didn't have the best relationship, Beau was always the older brother who was more interested in girls and friends then he was his family. However they never fought, and lately as he became older Beau was more sympathetic towards Carlos. He was no longer the nagging little brother he found annoying and wanted nothing to do with. Suddenly Beau even wanted to know what was going on in his brother's life and would talk to him without insulting him or pushing him roughly to the ground. Granted now he would poke him in the sides or give him a noogie on the head, but at least someone in his family was paying attention to him.

Don't get him wrong, Beau had never been horrible to him or anything, they had just been brothers. Now it just seemed like they were forming some kind of friendly brother relationship, like the ones you see in movies.

"Thanks," Carlos said as relief washed over him.

"So where were you today then?" Beau prodded as he sat on the end of Carlos's bed.

He shifted awkwardly unsure if he should tell him. But the kind look on Beaus face made him cave, "We lost Logan."

Beau tried hard not to laugh, but come on, "You lost Logan?" He repeated.

Carlos shrugged embarrassed when he realized how stupid that sounded, "He didn't come to school, then when we went to his place we found blood on the ground. And then we lost James."

Beau smirked, "Then you lost James? Sounds like a rough day,"

Carlos frowned, he didn't appreciate his big brothers mocking tone, "I'm serious. Logan's been weird for ages."

Beau frowned, it was painfully obvious Logan had been acting weird. Carlos had been friends with the boys since he was six, so over the years Beau had gotten to know the three guys. He'd even babysat them on more than one occasion.

He would never admit it, but he'd grown attached to Carlos's three friends, as much he had to his own brother. He secretly looked out for them at school, was there if they needed a lift and generally wanted to beat up anyone who looked at them the wrong way. But seeing as he didn't want to embarrass his brother _that _much, he let the boys fight their own battles. If anything was to get out of hand though, he gladly beat up the kid that touched his younger brother.

Beau had seen the gradual change in Logan. Just the other day he had snuck up on the brunette boy in the library. Seeing his brothers best friend sitting their quietly with his nose buried in a book was too good an opportunity to pass up. Sure he didn't want to embarrass his brother or his friends by fighting for them, he knew how much shit they'd get for that. However embarrassing them purely for his entertainment and to see them flush bright red in public, was what big brothers were for. And considering as Logan, Kendall and James all lacked an older sibling to do that for them, Beau had no problem filling that void. So he snuck up and quickly tasered the abnormally smart teenager in the sides grinning as the boy squealed. Unfortunately for a moment he had thought he'd almost given him a heart attack. Fighting to catch his breath and tears leaked from the corners of his eyes, Beau felt really bad he'd even approached the younger boy.

It wasn't like he hadn't snuck up on Logan before, he felt it was his right as an older brother to scare the crap out of all the boys whenever he had the chance. But Logan had never acted like that before. Clearly something wasn't right.

"So was the blood Logan's?" Beau asked.

Carlos shrugged, "We don't know. We don't know anything,"

Beau smiled sadly, "Don't worry. I'm sure everything's fine,"

For the first time in his life, Carlos didn't believe his big brother.

"Thanks Beau," he said anyway.

-/-/-/-/-

Brooke Diamond cringed as she yet again gently rubbed cream on Logan's wound.

With much disagreement and eye rolling she had successfully managed to get Logan to sit on the kitchen counter as she attended his injuries. She knew asking a 16 year old to sit on a kitchen bench like he was a toddler wasn't ideal, clearly the smaller brunette was thoroughly embarrassed, but it was honestly just the best way to attend to everything. Considering there were a _lot _of cuts and bruises to attend to.

Logan squirmed uncomfortably for his spot on the counter, cheeks flushing red as Brooke muttered to herself. He wasn't entirely sure if he was blushing because he looked like a small child sitting there, or because of the damages that were evident all over his body. Purple and red evidence that littered his body, showing to the world just how fucked up he really was. He watched James from the corner of his eye and the pretty boy was torn between laughing at his predicament and gasping from seeing the full extent of the damage.

If god really did exist he would let Logan just shrink into the floor. The floor would open a gapping whole of nothingness and let him escape reality. All he wanted to do was disappear. Disappear from the Diamond house, disappear from the whole world and put his out of this humiliating and horrible situation.

"Does it hurt anywhere else Logan?" Brooke asked pulling him out of his thoughts.

Logan flushed quickly, "Not really."

"Logan," Brooke prodded, "If it hurts anywhere else I need to know,"

Logan nodded, "My ribs hurt a bit, but I don't think it's too serious. You got everything else."

Brooke looked at him suspiciously, after checking Logan through she found countless cuts and bruises all along his neck, arms and legs. Some of them looked recent, however many of them looked weeks to months old which were very concerning. Nothing looked broken or seriously damaged, but many bandages were needed. A lot of physiological help was also going to be required after this whole ordeal.

"May I see it?" She asked. Logan hadn't let her see his stomach or back yet, he didn't what her to see what was hidden under his shirt. However he was sure if he didn't willingly let her check it, she would probably just do it anyway without his consent. The look in her eyes told him to just agree with the women.

He lifted his top over his head slowly and he heard both James and Brooke gasp. Multiple black and purple bruises were visible on his pale skin and scars of old and new injuries were scattered over his back. Fast inaudible tears fell from Brookes face and James's fists clenched together in anger.

Brooke took in a deep breath trying to calm herself, "Logan," she said slowly.

Logan looked up pitifully at Mrs. Diamond.

"Who did this to you?" She asked far more calm then she felt.

Logan didn't answer but tore his eyes away from the caring women. He couldn't lie to her, he couldn't even look at her, let alone form actual words to escape his lips. He hated himself, he hated what had happened to him, he hated what he was putting everyone through.

"Logan, who did this," She repeated.

He kept looking in his lap, hands wringing together nervously. He didn't dare open his mouth afraid more than words would come out. He felt as if the entire contents of his stomach may escape him at any moment. The sickening feeling of everything that he had gone through was suddenly becoming too much for him.

"Logan," She said more forcefully, "You have to tell me who did this,"

James noticed Logan start to visibly shake in his seat, "Mom," He said and put a hand on her shoulder.

Brooke sighed, "Logan whoever has been doing this… he shouldn't… okay, let's just clean you up and then you can get some sleep. We'll deal with this tomorrow," she decided as she started to check if his ribs were broken.

After much poking and prodding later she deemed it safe for him to move. There were no broken bones, just a concerning amount of bruises and cuts.

"Why don't you go take a nap in the guest room sweetie?" Brooke suggested and helped Logan off the counter much to his dismay.

"It's okay Mrs. Diamond," Logan started but was cut off.

"Seriously Logan, go to the guest room. Lie down and get some sleep. It really wasn't a request," She stated tiredly.

Logan gave her a small smile, and made his way to the guest room he knew all too well.

When he was out of sight Brooke collapsed on a chair and buried her face in her hands. James quickly made his way over to her, "mom?" he asked confused.

"What the hell is wrong with the world?" She asked dramatically.

James shrugged, he'd honestly been thinking the same thing.

"Okay," She said composing herself, she couldn't break down now. Not when these two boys needed her most, "Okay James are you going to tell me what happened, or am I going to have to figure it out myself?"

James shuffled from side to side, "He asked me not to,"

"It doesn't take a scientist to work it out James!" Brooke cried, "The boy looks like and shows all the sighs of being abused!"

James gave her a distressing look, "He wouldn't tell us! What was I supposed to do? Jump to conclusions?"

Brooked sighed, "Of course not, we can't make accusations like that. Okay you go make sure his sleeping and then do homework or something. I'll figure out what we're going to do next,"

James nodded and just as he exited the kitchen asked, "Mom?"

"Yea honey?"

"Your not going to send him back home are you?" he asked timidly. His eyes growing wide with fear that she might send his best friend back for further torment.

"As long as I live, he is never going back to that house,"

**I wish that I'd introduced Beau as a character from the start. But alas, he is here now and I'm hoping he will become an important part of the story. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do with him, but since Carlos doesn't really have anyone else I see him fitting in somewhere.  
>I hope people can understand the relationship him and Carlos have. From experience I think siblings are prone to fight and hate each other when there little, and when they become older grow into good friends. Carlos and Beau have recently in last year hit that stage, and now Beau is an awesome brother ;) <strong>

**I hope this chapter wasn't as pathetic as I deemed it, review? **


	13. Chapter 13

**Filler chapter, sort of. Depends how you look at it I suppose… anyway, I don't have much to say… I don't own Big Time Rush, enjoy! :D **

**Chapter 13**

"_**I fought it for a long time now, While drowning in a river of denial, I washed up, fixed up, picked up, All my broken things," Dammed if I do ya, Dammed if I don't, All Time Low**_

*ring*

Kendall quickly snatched up his phone on the first ring and snapped, "Hello?"

Hearing the already pissed off tone in his best friends voice James sighed, this was going to be a pleasant conversation, "Hey Kendall,"

"James?" Kendall asked.

"Yea,"

"Where the hell have you been?" Kendall cried.

James cringed and pulled the phone away from his ear, "Sorry."

"Sorry?" He asked, James had been missing for only god knows how long and all he had to say was sorry? "Sorry! That's all you have to say for yourself?"

"Yea," He James repeated rather dumbly.

"You don't even have a decent back story as to why you've been missing for 12 hours! You better have a bloody good reason for running off like that James. Like you better be dying. Like you better tell me, oh Kendall I got molested by hungry rabid dogs so I'm in the hospital or I got kidnapped by aliens who wanted to probe my brains for the secret of humanity. YOU CAN'T JUST TELL ME SORRY! With this attitude you'll be lucky if I don't bench you for the rest of the season!" Kendall shouted into his phone franticly.

James sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He did not want, nor need this from the leader today. He had already been to hell and back with Logan and he was already border lining a migraine _before _Kendall started to yell at him.

He knew Kendall was just worried and scared. He could tell, because Kendall didn't yell when he was angry. No, Kendall got scary quite when he was really mad. He yelled however when he was frightened. Unlike a normal, sane person who cry's or gets upset, Kendall yells at people when he worries about them. James always had thought it was funny, Kendall trying not to show how much of a softy he really was by worrying about people, but James could easily see through his façade. However on nights like this, he wished Kendall would stop yelling so much. At this rate he was going to wake Logan who was contently sleeping on the other side of the room in the guest bed.

"Kendall stop," James said rationally trying to calm his leader.

"Stop what! Freaking out? Oh I'm sorry that my best friend ditched while we were trying to find our other, more than likely injured best friend! Where the hell did you disappear to Diamond?"

James rolled his eyes, he knew what he was about to say was going to get him in masses of trouble with Kendall. And the blonde hearing it over the phone probably wouldn't gain him anymore points, but he had to get the guy to stop yelling before he gave himself an aneurism.

"I found Logan," James said sheepishly.

"YOU WHAT!" Kendall yelled just like James had predicted, however it was much louder then he could have ever foreseen.

"I found Logan, now before you freak out. Breath!" James reminded him, "I don't need another fucked up friend," He mumbled.

Unfortunately Kendall heard, "What do you mean fucked up friend? How is he? Where did you find him? Was he hurt? Is he okay? Why didn't you tell me?" he quickly stumbled out his endless questions.

James ignored most of them holding the phone away from his ear as he waited for Kendall to finish asking questions and yelling at him.

"Are you done?" James patronized the blonde when he went silent.

"I am going to kick your ass tomorrow," He muttered.

James grinned, "I know. Now if you've finished ranting,"

"I don't rant!"

"Are you done? I'm trying to tell you,"

He heard Kendall groan annoyed, "Okay, go."

"I found him just before recess and I took him back to my place. He was a bit… Er, roughed up, so I got mom to look over him. He's sleeping now," James said leaving out majority of what had happened. Some things needed to be explained in person, and by Logan. Who, when James thought about it, was actually yet to confess anything verbally.

"What do you mean by roughed up?" Kendall asked confused.

"Its hard to explain…"

"Well why didn't you come get me and Carlos! And why haven't you been answering any of my texts or calls!" Kendall pushed further.

"We were busy. Look it's really complicated," James pleaded.

Hearing the defeated tone in James voice, Kendall softened a bit, "James, what happened?"

"It's not good Kendall. It's really, really not good. But I think it's going to get better. Logan's staying at mine now,"

"For how long?"

"Well, let's put it this way, I hope he doesn't go back. Ever."

Kendall's stomach dropped, "That bad?"

"Worse."

"Damn it," He banged his fist on the table, "Why didn't he tell us?"

James shrugged, "He was scared I guess,"

"I can't believe this," Kendall stated. Although James wasn't sure what he couldn't believe, as he was yet to be told anything.

"How about you and Carlos come round to mine after school tomorrow?" James suggested.

"You'll tell us everything then?" He asked.

"Well, I won't tell you anything, its Logan's place. But I think you'll get something out of him,"

James heard Kendall huff, "Yea okay. Sounds good,"

"How's Carlos?" James asked.

"Worried, how are you?"

"Fine," James answered quickly, "You?"

"I'd be better if my best friend picked up his phone," Kendall said annoyance back in his voice.

"I got to it eventually," James defended.

"Not quick enough,"

"Move on,"

"I still think you should have gone with the alien story," Kendall mumbled.

"I still think you're retarded but we don't go there,"

"Jerk,"

"Bitch,"

"I'll see you at school,"

"Yea, see you then,"

"Oh and James," Kendall said just before James hung up,

"Yea?"

"Tomorrow, I am going to kill you."

James laughed, "Looking forward to it. Bye,"

He grinned as he hung up the phone. Turning to Logan he saw the younger boys chest rise up and down slowly, indicating he was sleeping peacefully.

James couldn't believe this was happening. They were 16, they weren't supposed to be dealing with these kind of things. They were supposed to be dealing with _normal _teenage stuff. Like that pimple on there forehead. Which girl they were going to ask to prom. What score were they going to get on their math final. Normal things, normal teenagers dealt with.

Then again, when had they ever been normal?

There entire friendship had been based on the abnormal. Between there dangerous hockey stunts, downright unsafe antics and attraction to all things risky, all four boys had barely dealt with normal teenage problems.

Among parental neglect, drug addiction, death, abandonment and now abuse, there wasn't much that they _hadn't _been through. However if there was one occurring factor, it was that they had all been there. Everything they had been through, they'd done it together. They'd _always _stuck together.

James couldn't be more grateful for that. Without his best friends he was sure he wouldn't have survived. Separately they were just _normal._ But together, they were invincible. Together they could easily (well not easily) conquer any obstacle that was thrown at them.

Together they would beat this. He knew it.

He had to keep telling himself that.

"Are you watching me sleep, because I think that crosses some kind of line James,"

James was quickly pulled out of his thoughts and almost jumped when he heard Logan's voice. The smaller boy sat up and grinned at James with his crocked smile.

James flushed, "Sorry, I was just thinking,"

Logan smiled, "It's okay," he brought his knees up to his chest, hugging them.

"I talked to Kendall," James stated and sat at the end of the guest bed.

Logan sighed and started to fiddle with his comforter, "yea?"

"Yea, and he is pissed. Mega pissed,"

Logan rolled his eyes, "Yea, I figured."

It figured Kendall would be mad. Why wouldn't he? Their all time fearless leader who knew everything and could fix anything was suddenly out of the loop? The one who's job it was to fix any problem didn't even know the problem? It sickened Logan when he thought how helpless Kendall must feel right now.

Kendall was there to help him, Kendall lived and breathed helping his best friends. It had been his job since they were six. And suddenly when the time came that he was needed most, he wasn't allowed to be needed.

"Your going have to tell him something tomorrow," James said.

Logan made a face, which indicated he clearly didn't want to tell anyone else about what had happened, "Can't we just keep this between you me and your mom?" he smiled sheepishly, knowing the answer already.

"Logan," James whined, "Its Kendall and Carlos. How can you not tell them?"

Logan sighed, James was right. Not only did they deserve to know, he wanted them to know. Make sure they knew it wasn't their fault. He wanted them to know that nothing had changed, and he still trusted them. "I know, and I want to tell them. I want them to know, it's just… I don't want to have to say it again,"

James nodded understanding, he couldn't even try to imagine for a minute what Logan was going through, but he understood it couldn't be easy to express, "We'll tell them together. Everything will be fine. I promise, your safe now."

Logan smiled shyly, "Thanks," he mumbled.

"Boys!" The sing song voice of Brooke Diamond said cheerfully as she knocked on the guest bedroom door.

"Come in," James rolled his eyes but smiled at his mom antics.

"So boys," Brooke started, "I was thinking tonight we should have pizza because I cannot be bothered cooking,"

Logan smiled and James replied, "Sounds good,"

"Sweet. And Logan I went through some of James's old clothes to get some that will fit you and I quickly went down to the shops and got you some essentials. , sweatpants, toothbrush, towels, just the little things. I think on the weekend we can get you some more things and you can pick out some clothes you like," She stated happily. While she was sure Logan would be happier with his own things from home, there was no way she was sending him back there, so she would rather just buy him all new things.

Logan blushed red, he hadn't have someone be this nice to him in what felt like forever, "Mrs. Diamond you really don't have to…"

"Nonsense!" She quickly cut him off, "And really Logan, how long have you been friends with James and been over here? Call me Brooke! Now, pizza?"

Logan blushed a brighter red and James grinned, "Pizza's good mom,"

She flashed a winning Diamond smile and left the room but not before kissing both boys on the head.

"Don't be so embarrassed Loge," James laughed when he saw his friend look so mortified.

Logan just shrugged, "She's really cool," he mumbled.

"Yea, she is," James smiled, "We stick together, she's all I've got."

"I'm sorry," Logan said.

James shrugged it off easily, "It's all good. Seriously, compared to… well you know. I've got her, we don't need him anymore."

Logan looked down awkwardly, unsure as to what to say now. Clearly while he was going through some pretty awful stuff (pretty awful probably doesn't cover it) it wasn't any more or less important then what James or the other guys were experiencing.

He felt someone nudge his arm hard and looked up to see James grinning at him, "Come on man, cheer up. My dad left, there is nothing I can do about that but accept it and move on. Your dad's a fuckwit, so now we can move on together,"

Logan smiled, he liked how no matter what, James tried to look at the positives. He just hoped that would be enough, there was still such a long way to go.

**I'm not really a fan of this chapter, so reviews would be cool. Suggestions would be cooler, but I do have much better plans for the next chapter :P**

**Thanks for reading :D Review? **


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm a terrible person, I know.**

**I'm really sorry guys! I haven't updated in forever I just have so much to do lately I barely find time to write. With school and work and homework, it's insane. I am NOT looking forward to year 12. All my schooling at this point leads up to the exams at the end of 2012 and I'm pretty much going to die. I really just try not to think about it. No matter what happens though, I will always try to update and NEVER forget about my stories. While my updates will be pretty crappy, PLEASE bare with me because I will get around to it. So thank you a million times over to those who are going to stick by me and my stories. Will try to get the next chapter of this up as soon as humanly possible as well as 'Big Time Sickness Part II'. **

**Hopefully the length of this chapter makes up for it Thanks again guys :P**

**Chapter 14**

"_**She laid her heart and soul right in your hands, And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans, She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens, When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't, Stupid boy, stupid boy" Stupid Boy, Keith Urban**_

Carlos fidgeted in his seat, absentmindedly knocking his 4 point pen against the desk. For the first time since the second grade Carlos had turned up early to school. Last night he'd gotten the call from Kendall telling him they were going to James's tonight, and even though Kendall had left out the finer details, he knew it wasn't for a joyous occasion.

This morning he'd been too restless to bum around and watch TV like every other day, so he asked Beau if he'd drive him to school early. And Beau being the best big brother in the world had complied with out questions.

However that really hadn't gotten him very far. Sure he'd turned up to school 20 minutes earlier than most people, and 40 minutes before he would usually even think of getting here. But without his best friends, instead of being restless at home, he was just restless in homeroom.

The only people around him was the weird Goth chick who he'd never seen _leave _the school and some random kid who he'd probably had class with since they were six but didn't know his name. Tad then entered the class room and gave him a weak nod before sitting at the back. If Carlos didn't know better he looked hung over. Carlos hoped for his sake that he wasn't, otherwise Kendall would rip shreds through the boy.

Turning up to school hung over was a big negative in the leaders book, but so was drinking generally. Despite the occasional party, Kendall really didn't like the idea of anyone on his team drinking. He was so hockey orientated sometimes it wasn't even funny.

While football was the main sport at Minnesota high (that's how Michael became so popular) Kendall never really cared for the stereotypical sport. He had a burning passion for hockey and didn't care if it wasn't the most popular. He lived and breathed hockey, and expected his team to feel the same way.

Although no one really shared Kendall's burning passion.

James, Carlos and Logan all loved hockey, but nowhere near as much as the determined blonde. James thought it was fun and a way to stay fit, but he would always be more focused on becoming a pop star. Carlos loved the energy of it all, but if he had to find another sport that would be easy enough, it wouldn't bother him much. And Logan just liked it because it was something he could actually _do_, and make him feel like he was a part of something. No matter how involved it made him feel though, at the end of the day his dream was still to become a doctor.

They knew Tad just liked to run into people and Derek liked the ice. Heaps of the other boys liked hockey too, but it didn't take a genies to work out some didn't love it and we only taking it because they didn't cut it for the football team. But they'd been on the team together for almost three years and with someone like Kendall as a captain it was difficult not be enthusiastic about the sport. Kendall made you want to love it. After all, he had trained them so they were the best in the state. Kendall had groomed their team into champion winning status and didn't care whether or not hockey had cheerleaders to support them. He loved it most and that's all that matter.

While there was always some stupid rivalry between football and hockey, everybody knew hockey would never really be able to trump the sport. Football had too big a support base to overcome. They all knew that if they really wanted to be taken seriously and become a popular jock, they'd have to transfer to footy. But they still stuck together, they were still a team.

Carlos almost groaned out loud when he remembered they had hockey training tomorrow after school, in preparation for the match on Saturday. It was a big one that Kendall wanted to win. And when Kendall wanted something, he got it. Carlos knew too well of that.

"Well, well, well. Look who it is,"

Carlos looked up and cringed when he saw Michael Stevens and his two goons Finn and Chad. They towered over his desk but he couldn't will himself to be intimidated by them. Carlos wasn't really scared of Michael. The boy pissed him off more than anything with his stupidity.

Carlos wasn't claiming he was the brightest French fry in the happy meal, but compared to Michael he considered himself a genius. Stevens was really too stupid to be a bully to take seriously. All brawl with no brains. Carlos had learnt from Kendall and Logan you need both to get anywhere.

"What do you want?" Carlos almost sighed, still tapping his pen on the desk.

Michael shrugged smugly, "Just want to talk. We haven't talked in a while,"

"We don't talk because you find it hard to string more than three compatible words together," Carlos stated.

Michael's fists clenched, "As if you can talk,"

Carlos resisted the urge to roll his eyes. While it was popular belief that Carlos was a free spirit, class clown type he didn't appreciate being referred to as dumb. He wasn't.

If he tried he could easily get 'A's in most of his classes. In health, math and English he could easily make good grades, if he did the work that was required. Carlos wasn't stupid. In a world that expects him to be dumb however, it's just easier to play the role.

"Did you want something?" Carlos asked.

Michael shrugged and smirked to Finn, "How's little Mitchell?"

Carlos frowned and his fists clenched the moment Logan was mentioned, "What's it to you?" He spat.

Michael continued to smirk, "Just heard stuff,"

Carlos stood up and grabbed Michael but the front of the shirt, "What have you heard?"

Carlos was never a violent person, out of all his friends (probably including Logan) he was the most passive. He didn't like to hit people, violence was never the answer when he was concerned. But when it came to his best friends and a topic as sensitive as this, he would gladly deck Michael in a heartbeat.

Astonished at first, by the Latino's sudden outburst it took a while for Michael to gain his bearings and push Carlos off him.

"Man, what hell is up with you freaks!" Michael yelled.

Carlos just glared at Michaels, sending him a look he reserved only for the very worst of people.

Michael just gave him a look of confusion and disgust, "Whatever, I'm going. You're such a freak,"

Michael and Chad left the room to go to their own homerooms while Finn just stood there awkwardly.

"Would you like something?" Carlos asked staring at the slightly bigger boy.

Finn shuffled from foot to foot with his hands dug deep in the pockets of his varsity jacket. He still wore the scowl he had when around Michael, not looking the least but timid or scared. However he did look hesitant as he said, "Logan…"

"What about Logan?" Carlos asked softening a bit.

Finn stopped, "don't worry." Clearly changing his mind about where he was going, he left the classroom.

Carlos collapsed at his desk. He hated the way the Michael could work him up and he hated how he didn't understand what Finn was up to. Michael was just a jerk, but he didn't understand Finn. Before he'd joined the football team he'd been kind of cool. They went to the same elementary school and had even been sort of friends. But as soon as Finn got to high school and joined footy he changed.

It was like Hockey players and Football players couldn't ever be friends. This ongoing rivalry had been going way before they had even entered high school, they had just fallen into the stereotypical clichés students before them had formed.

"Carlos!"

Carlos almost fell out of his seat as soon as he heard his name. He looked up sheepishly and saw Kendall heading his way. He smiled when he saw Kendall approach him, grateful for his friend arrival. He didn't want to sit here stressing alone anymore.

"Hey,"

"Heard from them?" Kendall said getting straight to the point. He took a seat next to the Latino and pushed his bushy eyebrows together in concern.

Carlos shook his head, "I hear from Stevens though,"

Kendall frowned, "When?"

"Just before,"

"What did he say?" Kendall asked.

"Nothing intelligent," Carlos shrugged.

Kendall laughed, "He didn't try anything?"

"Not anything that worked,"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Stevens is an idiot," Carlos concluded and Kendall barked a laugh.

Carlos just smiled, he thought better then to tell the blonde about his concerns with Michael. No matter how tough the boy seemed he was no match for any of them. He was just an over grown, Neanderthal who didn't know his place. Carlos wasn't going to let the idiot get the better of him.

"James and Logan better get here soon," Kendall muttered. He didn't like all this waiting, and talking about Michael just made him more nervous. He knew Carlos was more than capable to look after himself, but it didn't stop the leaders lingering concern.

"Hey guys," James said brightly taking a seat next to them.

Kendall and Carlos both jumped in their seats when they heard the brunette.

"What the fuck!"

"Where did you come from?"

James gave them a confused look, "My home?"

"You almost gave me a heart attack! Don't sneak up on us!" Kendall yelled lightly beating the boy with his English text book.

"Hey! I didn't, I walked through that door, and then sat down. There was no sneaking up involved," James defended yanking the book from the blonde.

Carlos just rolled his eyes, "Where's Logan?"

James grinned sheepishly and avoided eye contact with the two boys, "Yea he's not here today."

"What do you mean he's not here?" Kendall hissed clearly annoyed.

"It wasn't mine or Logan's idea okay? Mom didn't think it was a great idea for him to go to school today," James explained, "She wanted to take him to the doctors instead. So after a lot of convincing she managed to get him to agree. He really didn't want to go but mom made him."

"The doctors?" Carlos asked.

"Yea, I mean his not that bad!" James assured them, "But mom didn't want to take any chances, wanted to make sure his okay and have a full day of just mothering him. She's probably force feeding him chocolate and making him watch cartoons right now."

Kendall smiled at the thought of Mrs. Diamond having to threaten Logan in order to get him to listen to her. But he couldn't shake off the overwhelming feeling to want to see the boy for himself. Make sure he really is okay. It was killing him knowing that Logan was hurt and upset and he couldn't do anything about it.

"We're still coming to yours after school right?" Kendall asked.

James smirked, "Yes Kendall,"

"And you're not going to tell us what happened?" He asked.

"No Kendall,"

"You suck,"

"I know Kendall,"

"I hate you,"

"I know that too Kendall,"

"I really hate you,"

Before James and Kendall could just repeat this enduring cycle further Carlos rolled his eyes and interrupted, "So Logan's okay now, right James?"

James ignored the middle finger Kendall was directing at him and turned to the puppy dog eyes Carlos was directing at him, "Yea, he's okay now. A bit shaken up and it's a long road. But I think he's going to be okay now,"

"Good," Carlos said relieved and swung back in his chair.

He didn't like Logan hurt, honestly he didn't like the way life was directing at the moment. It was as if everything was slowly unthreading at the seams and there was little anyone could do but watch them unravel. To Carlos, Logan was just the beginning of a horrible cycle that was starting.

"Carlos buddy?"

Carlos was pulled out his thoughts by Kendall waving a hand in front of his face and yanking his chair into its upright position, "Yep?"

"Come on, let's go to health."

Carlos nodded blindly and followed the blonde, "See you James."

James just directed a nod at them and headed left to Literature. Trying to get Logan to stay home today had been unnaturally difficult. Usually when his mom suggests to him he stay home James never really argued. He was getting a day off school, why argue?

But as soon as the words had left Brookes mouth that Logan should take it easy today he had just laughed her off and slung his backpack around his shoulder. When however she just stood with her hands on her hip and glare on her face Logan's face had dropped as if to say, are you really serious? He needed to rest. He needed to take the day off. Any person in their right mind could see that, all except Logan that was.

James couldn't possibly understand how one person can go through so much and still not see it. It was as if Logan was so ignorant as to what had actually happened that he was just willing to accept it. As if it was all normal, as if parents are supposed to hit their children.

He shuddered at the thought. His mom had never hit him, and his dad (when he was around) certainly never went to that extent. They were your parents, the only people who are supposed to love you unconditionally for who you are. Then again, James was finding that difficult to comprehend lately. His dad didn't love him, if he did he wouldn't have walked out. Logan's dad didn't love him, instead treated him like a human punching bag. If that's love then it was an odd way to show it. And lately it seemed as if Carlos's parents would rather be anywhere but within 5 feet of him. It didn't take a genius to figure out the Latino was feeling awfully dejected lately.

Then there was Kendall. But Kendall's situation was different. James was sure Mr. Knight loved Kendall. He just made some _really_ bad life choices.

Still, James was also sure that Mr. Knight would never be around again. It didn't matter whether he came crawling back on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness. Nobody would accept his apology. James surely wouldn't, and Kendall was must harsher them him.

James couldn't imagine if his father came back now and said he was sorry. No matter how much he would _want _the man back, he didn't know if he would accept him. He'd just walked out. Without a word. One minute he was there, the best dad in the entire world. The one that would be there at all the hockey games and talent auditions.

Also the one to walk out.

James laughed almost bitterly to himself as he took a seat at the back of Literature. Maybe having him walk out was a good thing. At least this was he wasn't getting beaten and he wasn't getting neglected. If he's dad wasn't around he couldn't hurt him.

But that was the thing, wasn't it. He's dad had never hurt him before. He'd dad had never ignored him, treated him badly, nothing. Yet one day he just, left. No word, no note. No nothing. That's what cut him the most. Maybe if he knew his dad didn't love him it would be easier. Maybe if he knew his dad was sick it would have made it easier. Given him an excuse for being the pathetic lowlife he was proving to be.

James sighed, thinking about it this bitterly wouldn't help. What's done is done now, he just had to accept that. Right now he would put all his focus on Logan. Making Logan better. James wasn't the one with the bruises, he wasn't the one flinching at touches.

Yes, he decided. Logan would be his main concern right now.

**I REALLY hope you guys don't flake out on me! I promise to update as soon as possible! Thank you so much those of you who still are reading this story, you guys seriously rock! :D **

**(Usually I try to find a song relevant to the chapter, this time was Keith Urban's 'stupid boy' it's a brilliant song and that's why I picked it. But it's pretty irrelevant to the chapter so I'm sorry. If you don't know Keith Urban, I suggest you look him up NOW because he is awesome. Keith was my first ever concert! Then short stack a week later hehe)**


	15. Chapter 15

"**Paralyzed, Paralyzed, P-P-Paralyzed,"  
>I think I've watched the video like twenty times. I can't wait till the new episode! I love James's little leg movements in the clip. Their so cute! And the way he jumps? If you didn't notice, go watch it again. It's pretty much the cutest thing I've ever seen.<strong>

**Now I haven't updated for ages, but I have legit reason. I want to finish Big Time Sickness Part II as soon as possible so I've been focusing on that. I really want to get into Part III, so I'm really working on that right now. So if you're not reading it, you should go check it out ;) because I'm kind of proud of it. **

**On with the story! **

**Chapter 15**

"_**And I just ran out of band-aids, I don't even know where to start, 'Cause you can bandage the damage, You never really can fix a heart" Fix a heart, Demi Lovato**_

Logan hadn't felt this at ease in a very long time. If someone was to actually pin point a moment when he felt this content, he wouldn't be able to give them an honest answer. Sure, he'd be able to bullshit his

way through some lie, but it wouldn't be the truth.

Curling deeper into the blankets with a slight grin on his face he took in the comfort of his best friend's comforter.

It wouldn't be easy to explain to someone if they walked in right now as to why Logan wasn't in his own bed across the hall yet in James's. It's not as if his own bed was sufficient enough, the mattress was more than comfortable and the donna fluffy enough. And it's not like he had some weird homosexual fetish with James and often crawled into the pretty boy's bed when he wasn't home.

It was just when Mrs. Diamond had basically ordered him to take a nap because he looked tired (no, that was her nice way of saying he looked like absolute shit) he couldn't seem to get comfortable in his own bed. Despite how overpowering the blanket was, he was cold. He's bed wasn't inviting, it wasn't welcoming. He would never admit it aloud, but being in the room made him lonely, and if he was brave enough to say even a bit scared.

Moving across the hall at the time had seemed like the only alternative, it didn't really occur to him while his body absentmindedly carried him to the next room why he was even going there. Why would James's bed be any different to his own?

But the moment he wrapped himself under the covers he understood. The bed, the room, it all gave off the presence that James would if he was there. The caring, sentimental, kind atmosphere that followed James around. And at the moment, Logan wanted something to comfort him. He _needed_ something to comfort him.

Everything he had been through the last few days, it was just becoming too much for the young 16 year old. He couldn't take it, he wanted to sob. Sob for leaving his dad (even though he knew he shouldn't miss the man who treated him like shit), sob for being such a failure, sob for the mental and physical bruises it had all left behind. How was he supposed to deal with this?

Logan didn't need a hug, he didn't need to be held, and he certainty didn't need anyone to baby him cooing that it will all be alright. He didn't need, nor want any of that mushy, dramatic made for movies crap. He did however need some kind of comfort that he could soak up, just to help him get through it.

Usually the best cure for this would be one of his best friends themselves. Just being in the same room as James, Kendall or Carlos would help him achieve that. They were more than just his best friends, those boys were his family. They were the only people who could help him, the only boys he would let help him. It wasn't unusual that he went to anything of theirs for comfort. He'd rather not admit the amount of hoodies and jumpers of theirs he had borrowed and never returned.

He sighed contently and tightened the blanket around his fragile frame, James's bed releasing the comfort he needed.

He heard the front door downstairs slam shut and Logan figured he would now have a very limited amount of time before he was rudely forced out of bed. He'd yet to get even 10 minutes of sleep, now he'd be lucky to get any with his three best friends who sometimes got mistake for elephants home.

Not that he really minded. The reason he couldn't sleep was because they weren't there. With them now here maybe he would be able to relax.

He heard there loud footsteps sprint upstairs, and then Mrs. Diamond yelling at them for running in the house. A chorus of 'sorry Mrs. Diamond', ran throughout the house and Logan could hear them enter the bedroom he was supposed to be sleeping in.

He didn't bother getting up and addressing the fact that he was sleeping in James's bed (or rather unsuccessfully trying to sleep) they'd figure out where he was in a moment. It's not like he hadn't been found sleeping in one of their beds before. He couldn't even muster the effort to be embarrassed about it. He was over embarrassed, far too gone for that. Now he just wanted to admit defeat, admit that they had been right.

"Where the hell is Logan?" Carlos's voice rang through the door.

"Come on," James could be heard and instantly James's bedroom door opened.

Logan felt a gentle weight rest itself on top of him and another two sit themselves on the bed.

"Looogaaaan," Kendall sing-songed into Logan's ear.

Logan grinned, "Get off of me you heavy fuck,"

Kendall playfully punched his arm and Logan sat up, "Ow!" he complained.

Kendall smirked, "Women."

"How are you Loges?" James asked. Finding Logan in his bed hadn't really been that surprising, nobody was going to comment. Honestly James found it sort of cute, clearly he was missing some kind of comfort that he found in James's bed. And if Logan needed it James, was more then willing to give it to him. God forbid Logan actually just ask.

"I'm alright," Logan stated.

Kendall frowned, giving Logan his best 'yea right' look with his massive eyebrows. Logan sighed, "I've been worse."

Three expecting, concerned faces all turned to the smaller boy and he sighed defeated.

Logan then decided it was now or never, he might as well get the hard stuff over with now. He launched into the story about his dad. Starting from his mom's passing, to this morning. He left out certain parts of his story. Like some of the key catch phrases his dad had picked up of over the years, or mental damage it had played a part in. But he was pretty sure by the looks on Kendall and Carlos's face they were getting the picture. Even James, who basically knew everything, cringed at some of the things he mentioned.

He didn't really want to spill his guts like this. It wasn't something he was proud of, or wanted to relive ever again. But he knew they deserved the truth. They deserved to know what had happened after all. They were here for him, and it honestly felt like a twenty ton brick was being lifted off him when he told them. Finally there were no more secrets. No more hiding the bruises, no more lies.

"Jesus Christ man," Kendall said speechless.

Logan just shrugged, glad for it to be off his chest, but it didn't make it any less awkward.

"I'm so sorry," Carlos said, he didn't know what else to say. Sorry just seemed right. Right now he would do absolutely anything to take the pain away from Logan.

"It's not your fault man," Logan smiled, Carlos just shrugged and pulled the boy into a hug which he gladly accepted.

After a moment of silence Logan began fidgeting awkwardly, "I don't want this to change anything,"

"What do you mean?" Kendall asked.

"I don't want you to treat me differently just because… I still want to be Logan. I'm not like, broken or anything," He voiced his worst fears.

Kendall and James sighed in union, "Don't worry man,"

"You're still the same Logan to us,"

"Yea, the same nerdy, timid, shy, smart, fun-loving, crazy Logan," Kendall concluded.

Logan just smiled, why did he ever think he couldn't count on these guys? "Thanks,"

-/-/-/-

"CARLOS! PASS THE DAMN PUCK!" Logan yelled irately at the small Latino who grinned sheepishly through his helmet and passed it to him.

Logan shook his head in a mix of amusement and frustration as he raced down the ice.

It was the game against Cornwell high, the score was 4-5 and they were in the lead. Kendall was furiously yelling by the side of him about something and he could feel James racing next to him knocking down anyone who approached. The hockey heads were finally back on the ice.

And it felt brilliant.

James wasn't quick enough though, because a brawly teen charged at him and stole the puck. Logan swore to himself and took off after the boy. He could hear Tad yelling something about 'bloody knob head' and then Kendall countering it with 'shut up Tad!'

The game continued like this for another 15 minutes, everyone too engrossed on the puck to pay attention to the things around them.

If they were paying attention, Kendall would have seen that Tad and Brad had long forgotten about the hockey match and begun verbally abusing each other about Brad 'accidently' knocking Tad to the ground.

James would have realized that the brawly kid from the other team had insulted James's manhood and hair.

Carlos would have been aware that two players on the other team that he was supposed to be on, actually couldn't hold a stick and skate in a straight line at the same time.

And Logan may have seen the tall man who entered the crowd half way through the game.

"Kendall!" James yelled and Kendall passed the puck quickly to James.

James tore down the other end of the ice and slid the puck to Logan's expecting hockey stick.

Logan wasn't sure what made him look from his winning position on the ice. Maybe something glimmered and caught his eye. Maybe a bird flew down and he felt the need to look. Or maybe it was just a gut feeling he had in the pit of his stomach, willing him to look. Either way, he took his eye off the puck for a moment while skating, and looked at the crowd. Standing there, towering over everyone else, arms crossed with a scowl on his face stood his father.

Logan didn't have time to process his father standing there, let along have time to comprehend someone running straight into his back. Being unfocused for a millisecond had him knocked hard to the ice and the puck was taken down the other end.

He groaned out in pain, he could feel his nose pouring out blood.

"You right?" Tad had approached him forgetting about Brad and lifted him with ease to his feet.

Before Logan could reply with a witty response about how his nose was gushing out an unhygienic liquid a blood curling scream was released. As if it was in slow motion Logan saw a player wearing a Minnesota High jersey crumble to the ice. The player clutched his left leg for dear life trying his best not scream again.

Logan recognized the player, Carlos.

"Shit,"

**That went in a whole different direction then I originally planned, but I liked it so I'm going to work with it. I feel like this story was moving too slow, I want things to pick up! So drama, drama, and more drama ahead :P**

**Who watched the season premier of Glee! EP! Was awesome! Blaine is still my dream man (gay or not and excluding the BTR boys haha)**

**And Demi's new album! Fix a heart fits Logan in this story perfectly! (kind of, not really actually, but its still an awesome song) **

**Please review and tell me if you like where I'm going and if you think you know what's going to happen next! :D **


	16. Chapter 16

**Previously,**

_He groaned out in pain, he could feel his nose pouring out blood._

"_You right?" Tad had approached him and lifted him with ease to his feet. _

_Before Logan replied a blood curling scream was released. As if it was in slow motion Logan saw a player wearing a Minnesota High jersey crumble to the ice. The player clutched his left leg for dear life trying his best not scream again. _

_Logan recognized the player, Carlos._

"_Shit," _

**Chapter 16**

"_**Some people learn but they never live, Lost the fight so they just forgive, See me reaching through an open flame, I feel alive when I'm burnt again" – Mistakes, Delta Goodrem and Brian McFadden **_

"Where is he?" Beau Garcia cried sprinting down the white hospital halls, "My little brother where is he?"

"Beau calm down," Kendall said approaching the taller boy. After Carlos had gone down during the last half, the game for the four boys was over. The ambulance had come for the Latino and Kendall quickly subbed in four replacements while his mom took them to the hospital tailing right behind the van.

Carlos had been admitted, rushing through the halls on a stretcher and they had been told to be patient and wait, news would be given as soon as possible. That had been 20 minutes ago and now they were getting restless.

Mrs. Knight had called his parents receiving voice mails on both times, so Kendall had called Beau.

"Is he okay? What happened? I swear I'll kill that kid who did this! Which one was it? Was it Daniels? Or Posey? I know his brother so I swear if it was that kid," Beau ranted and the three boys just watched in amusement.

Beau pretty much knew everyone in Minnesota, he was just a people person and could almost name every person he came in contact to from a previous encounter. It never ceased to amaze the boys.

"I don't remember which one it was!" Kendall said interrupting Beau, "But we haven't heard anything about Carlos yet. All we know is that a big guy purposely slammed him to the ice and he hurt his leg."

Beau nodded calming himself down, he looked to the others, "What happened to Logan?"

Logan looked over to Beau from his plastic chair, lowering the cloth that had been pressed up to his bleeding nose, "The other team played rough."

Beau smirked, "I can see that."

Logan glared at the boy and placed the cloth back on his still pouring out blood nose while James patted his back sympathetically.

"Oh my gosh! What happened!"

Everybody looked up to see Mrs. Diamond running in heals down the corridor screaming like a banshee and swinging her handbag at people who got in her way. James cringed at the blonde who was rubbing her head from being hit by the handbag.

James had called her explaining what had happened during the game, no more than 10 minutes later she had arrived.

"What happened? Beau where's your brother? Kendall where's your mom? Oh hi Jennifer are you okay? James! Logan! Oh my gosh what happened to your nose?" Mrs. Diamond said quicker than any human being could keep up. Quickly she was kneeling down examining Logan's face.

"Mrs. Diamond I'm fine, it's just a bloody nose," Logan tried to pull his face out of her grasp.

"How did it happen?" She asked.

"A guy slammed into him," James answered.

"What?" Mrs. Diamond cried and Logan glared at the pretty boy, "Have you had it looked at? It might be broken,"

"It's not," Logan tried to say but she cut him off, "We'll still get it looked at."

She turned her attention away from the boy, "What kind of hockey match was this?"

James and Kendall both smiled sheepishly at the women and Mama Knight sighed, "The other team played unnaturally rough Brooke, I'll be speaking with the couch about this."

Brooke nodded, "Good. Now is Carlos okay?"

Before anyone could reply a doctor interrupted, "Garcia family?"

"That's us," Kendall said sitting up.

The doctor frowned, "All of you?"

"I'm his older brother," Beau said, "Their all… family as well. How's my brother?"

The doctor still didn't look totally convinced but turned to Beau anyway, "Your brothers going to be fine. But due to the angle of the fall his right leg has been fractured and he will need to stay in a cast for 8 weeks."

"A cast? For 8 weeks?" Beau repeated. He couldn't see this going down well with Carlos or his family.

"Yes a cast. He should be very lucky a fracture was all it was," The doctor stated calmly.

Beau nodded, "Can we see him?"

"Sure, room 705," The doctor smiled.

"Thank you," Beau replied, "You guys coming?" He asked.

Instantly Kendall, James and Logan were on their feet but Brooke frowned, "I think we should get Logan's nose looked at,"

Logan looked appalled and frightened at the very thought of Brooke leading him to a doctor. Kendall saw the tense vibe that radiated off his friend and quickly pulled the smaller boy closer to him protectively, "How about we find Carlos first, then later we'll go with him to see a doctor," he suggested.

Brooke nodded seeming to sense the uneasiness from Logan, "Sure, me and Jennifer will go get some coffee."

"And we'll call Mrs. Garcia again," Jennifer added.

"Good luck," Beau laughed bitterly as the women walked away, "Come on, let's go find Carlos."

The boys nodded and followed behind the older boy, not willing to ask about his sudden dark turn.

Once they found room 705 they quickly entered to see Carlos sitting up in bed, his right leg wrapped in a big white cast, "Hey guys," he said happily.

"Carlos," Beau quietly breathed relived and embraced his younger brother in a bone crushing hug. When Kendall had called him, telling him that Carlos was in the hospital he had forgotten to listen after the phrase 'Carlos is in the hospital'. Instantly his heart had dropped and he speed to the hospital, breaking about 15 laws on his way. It wasn't like he hadn't seen his younger brother in the hospital before, he'd fallen out of enough tress (seriously) and hockey injuries to be well acquainted with the hospital. But as the years go on, and their parents got busier Beau worried that the harm being caused to Carlos may have been prevented with a little more attention. All the skate board incidents down the hill, all the stupid stunts that made him jump out a window, it all could have stopped. So why wasn't it?

But this time, this time it wasn't his fault. It was some over grown, cocky, moronic teenager who didn't know when enough was enough. When Carlos was causing the injuries to himself it was different, Carlos would never purposely hurt himself enough to be serious. What if this other guy had seriously damaged his brother?

He had. Now his little brother wouldn't be able to walk for 8 weeks. He'd be confined to that ridiculous cast watching as everybody around him gloated with their two fully functioning legs. He'd felt nauseous when he'd gotten the phone call, instantly assuming the worst. Now he was just glad to have his brother in his arms.

"Hey Beau," Carlos said.

Beau reluctantly released him and Kendall now hugged the boy, "You had us worried for a moment there," he laughed.

"Sorry," Carlos grinned, "Oh my god what happened to your nose?"

Logan grinned sheepishly, "Some guy ran into me, no big deal. How's your leg?"

Carlos frowned skeptic of Logan's brush off, "It's alright, it's gonna suck though"

"You might get sympathy off girls," James tried to cheer him up to which Carlos just rolled his eyes.

Kendall sighed, "Looks like we'll need a new first liner," he mumbled angrily.

Logan laughed, "As long as your okay buddy, that's all that matters, right," James nudged Kendall.

"Of course," Kendall grinned awkwardly. Suddenly his phone rang and he checked the caller ID, "Its Tad," He sighed, "Let's see how the game went."

"KENDALL!" Tad's voice was heard from the phone, "HOWS CARLITOS?"

"Stop yelling Tad," Kendall snapped, going to the corner of the room to take the call.

"So you're not in any pain or anything right?" Logan asked his doctor senses kicking in while seeing his best friend confined to a hospital bed.

Carlos smiled, "I'm fine Loges."

Carlos looked to Beau and James who were now chatting amongst themselves and Carlos gestured Logan closer. Confused Logan leaned in, "What?"

"I saw him," Carlos said bluntly.

"What?" Logan asked face paling.

Carlos bit his lip nervously and lowered his voice, "That's why the guy ran into me, I saw you looking in the crowd and looked as well. I wasn't paying attention and he slammed me. Pussy shot really," Carlos said as an afterthought, "But I saw him at the game. Have you told anyone?"

Logan tensed and avoided Carlos's gaze, "No," He muttered.

"You have to," He hissed.

"I know," Logan sighed, the face of his father standing in the crowd still haunting him.

"Go do it now," Carlos insisted.

"What? Not now!" Logan said.

"Why not?"

Logan opened his mouth to reply, but realized when he had nothing closed it resembling a fish. He honestly didn't know why now didn't seem like a good time to tell people his dad was at the hockey match, he shouldn't be ashamed of that. He hadn't done anything wrong. Still, it was his father. The only man that truly terrified him yet at the same time the only man who he wished approved of him, "I just can't not right now. I'll tell Brooke later,"

Carlos rolled his eyes, "If you don't tell someone I will."

Logan just nodded.

"I'm serious Loge, no more secrets. None," Carlos said firmly.

Logan smiled, "Since when were you so forward?"

Carlos shrugged, "Since you became so stupid."

Logan grinned just as Kendall stormed over to Carlos's bed looking a tad pissed, "Tad say's hi," Kendall said annoyed.

Carlos grimaced, "What happened?"

"Tads an idiot! That's what happened!" Kendall cried ceasing all activity in the room and causing all eyes to fall on him, "Sorry. I mean, Tads still an idiot but sorry. Nah we lost the game. 8-5."

"I'm sorry," Carlos said.

Kendall's eyes flashed up at the boy, "It's not your fault! I'm just pissed we lost and I had to listen to Tads excessive nonsense. If he couldn't play hockey so damn well I'd cut him for being an idiot."

Logan laughed, "There's always next time, it's not like we can't afford to lose a game."

"Yea, we're still the best team in the state," James agreed.

"Yea the best team with Carlos. He'll be out the next three games minimum. We're going to have to work out asses off to stay there," Kendall retaliated.

James and Logan just rolled their eyes while Carlos just mumbled another "Sorry,"

"And you stop apologizing!" He pointed to Carlos, "It's not like it's your fault, I'm just pissed,"

"When is he not pissed?" James smirked and received a whack on the head from Kendall for the statement.

Beau laughed at the four's antics, "Do you ever think about anything other than hockey?" he asked.

"Besides girls? No, just hockey and girls," James replied.

Beau grinned, "This is going to be a fun few weeks."

Carlos rolled his eyes, "Have you called Mom and Dad?" He asked hopefully.

Beau rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "They'll be here soon," Was all he said.

Carlos nodded and his eyes fell to his scratchy hospital blanket. All the boys knowing what that really meant.

"Hello boys," Brooke and Jennifer entered the room breaking all silence, "Carlos it's so good to see you're okay," Jennifer commented kissing the boys forehead, Brooke following in suite.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" Brooke asked.

"Okay, it's a bit uncomfortable though," Carlos replied.

Brooke smiled sympathetically at him as Jennifer said, "The doctors want to keep you in for a few more hours to make sure you don't react to the painkillers you're on but after that you should be fine to go home as long as you take it easy."

Carlos smiled, "Cool."

Brooke turned to Logan, "Okay kiddo, lets get you checked out."

"What?" Logan asked, his face resembling a deer caught in the headlights.

"Your nose, I want to make sure it's not broken. I'm not taking any chances," She replied firmly.

Logan looked helplessly to James and Kendall who just rolled their eyes, "Come on, I'll go with you." Kendall said getting to his feet and grabbing Logan's arm.

"Really Mrs. Diamond its fine," Logan said shyly while being dragged by Kendall to the door.

"I just want an experts opinion Logan, you'll be fine," She smiled and together the three walked out.

"Fear of hospitals?" Beau asked when they were out of ear shot.

"Fear of his own shadow," Carlos replied.

**I figured because I make you guys wait so long for my chapters I'd remind you what happened in the last one at the top and have my A/N down here I always hate when I don't remembered what happened in a story!**

**This chapter feels a bit rush, but meh. It wasn't too horrible right? **

**So its holidays and I've been a very busy little bee with my fast paced, exciting life (haha as if) but for those of you reading BTS II you shall all be very pleasantly surprised. All in good time! Its going to take me a little bit more and I don't want to spoil anything but things are going to happen. Soon, so just stay tuned? Okay? :P**

**AH! Tad and Beau are my favorite! I love writing them.**

**So I don't know a thing about hockey and couldn't be bother researching, so I don't know if they have 'first lines' or what. So just go with it? I don't even remember, I might have made Carlos the goalie before? Yea, just go with it for now guys **

**THANK YOU to all those sticking with me, you all mean so much! I hope you didn't hate this chapter, review if you have the time :D **


	17. Chapter 17

_**Previously, **_

_Brooke turned to Logan, "Okay kiddo, lets get you checked out." _

"_What?" Logan asked, his face resembling a deer caught in the headlights._

"_Your nose, I want to make sure it's not broken. I'm not taking any chances," She replied firmly._

_Logan looked helplessly to James and Kendall who just rolled their eyes, "Come on, I'll go with you." Kendall said getting to his feet and grabbing Logan's arm._

"_Really Mrs. Diamond its fine," Logan said shyly while being dragged by Kendall to the door._

"_I just want an experts opinion Logan, you'll be fine," She smiled and together the three walked out. _

"_Fear of hospitals?" Beau asked when they were out of ear shot._

"_Fear of his own shadow," Carlos replied. _

**Chapter 17**

"_**I'll never let you down, Even if I could, I'd give up everything, If only for your good, So hold me when I'm here, Right me when I'm wrong, You can hold me when I'm scared, You won't always be there, So love me when I'm gone" When I'm gone, 3 Doors Down **_

Logan groaned as he was practically dragged by Kendall and Mrs. Diamond to find a doctor. He pouted the entire way through the corridor the best he could with a cloth pressed against his partially bleeding nose. He couldn't understand why it was so important for Mrs. Diamond to make sure his nose was okay. Clearly he knew enough to know when an injury was something to worry about. He was an aspiring doctor who had enough injuries over the years to know when something was terrible or not. Someone running into him and making his nose bleed was nothing compared to what he had experienced before.

Despite his better judgment he continued to pout as Mrs. Diamond led them through the hospital, clearly knowing where she was going having organized something with a doctor prior.

Kendall tried to hide his snickering as he watched his smaller friend sulk as he was dragged. Still holding the cloth to his face Kendall watched as his cheeks flushed red in embarrassment at the attention. Logan had always hated this kind of attention. He usually preferred just to sit on the back with his book going unnoticed by the crowd. That's how he had gotten away with his 'secret' for so long. Logan was brilliant at masking his true feelings. If he was being bullied he could easily pretend like it was nothing. If he was upset he could pass as happy. If he was being beaten at home he could put on an act to fool his three best friends. Kendall was honestly kicking himself for not realizing it sooner.

They were supposed to be his best friends. They were supposed to notice these things.

While Logan was brilliant at acting in front of the world, Kendall, James and Carlos were the ones who always saw past it. They were the ones who were supposed to be able to read him like a book, see past the fake glint of happiness in his eyes to the dark terror he truly felt. How could he have been so stupid, so unobservant to not see it? How could he have possibly dismissed Logan's mood swings, and snap judgments and alter in personality, claiming he was just fine.

Kendall promised himself he would never make such a mistake again.

"Just relax Logan," Kendall smirked, poking the smaller boy in the ribs for good measure.

Logan frowned and tried to squirm out of the blondes grip, but Mrs. Diamond gave him her famous scowl and he ceased all struggling.

"I swear I'm fine Mrs. Diamond," Logan tried to argue desperately wanting to be anywhere but here right now.

Brooke had to will herself not to groan as those words escaped his lips, if he told her he was 'fine' one more time she might just strangle him, "That's fine dear, but I really would like it checked out properly," she said dismissing his words.

Logan slumped his shoulders in defeat and followed her as they entered a hospital room that looked exact to Carlos's just on a different floor.

"The doctor told me to come to this room when you were ready so I'll go see if I can find him. You boys wait here," Brooke smiled and quickly left.

Kendall smirked at the boy who was instructed to sit on the hospital bed as he swung his legs back in forth like a bored and irritated child, "How's your nose?" he asked.

Logan shrugged and continued to watch his legs swing back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

Honestly his nose hurt, it was stinging a little. But the pain was minor compared to other things he'd endured. Complaining about it wouldn't make it any better.

"I've had worse," He replied.

Kendall cringed at the statement. He took a seat next to Logan and stared down at his own legs unsure of what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to be the leader, he was supposed to have all the answers. But at the moment, he only felt helpless.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Kendall asked in an almost whisper breaking the silence to create an awkward, eerie one. If Kendall was being completely honest, not only did he feel like an absolute failure, he also felt betrayed. Did Logan not trust him enough?

Logan shrugged again avoiding all eye contact, "I donno."

"Man," Kendall started, "I-I-I just don't get it,"

Logan looked up at him unsure of how he was supposed to get Kendall to understand. "It's hard to explain,"

Kendall groaned frustrated, "Then try to help me get it. Please Logan, I just… I'm supposed to be your best friend. I love you like a brother and I don't understand why you couldn't trust me. I'm always here for you…"

Logan sighed, "I know that."

"Then why didn't you let me in?" Kendall demanded. If Kendall was going beyond completely honesty (which was rare to nill) he'd say he was almost jealous of the fact that James knew before him. He was the leader, he was the protector. Yet Logan, his little brother, hadn't even come to him. If he wasn't the one they came to then who was he?

"It's not that easy Kendall," Logan irritated, "It wasn't about letting you in."

"Then what was it about?"

Logan stopped and turned to his leader, "Do you remember when your dad left?"

Kendall went rigid in his chair without saying anything so Logan continued.

"Do you remember when he left and how cut you were. How you didn't understand why or how he could do what he did. And you didn't get why it had been so easy for him. Do you remember how you didn't want to talk about, you completely avoided every conversation or anything that remotely reminded you of him. And when we tried to get you to open up you completely shut down. You would lose it every time he was mentioned and there would be days you wouldn't talk to us or even acknowledge are existence?" Logan asked.

"I-I-I, its different," Kendall stuttered.

"Well your dad left. And I know he did some shitty ass stuff. I'm not trying to say that you don't have a right to be pissed or mad at him, I would too," Logan said, "But it's like that. I didn't want you to know about my dad as much as you didn't want us to know about yours. We didn't know what your dad was like until he left. You'd never told us before. Just like I didn't tell you about my dad. I didn't want you to know, to treat me different or think I'm fragile or weak. I didn't want to remember, to think about what he was doing. Just like you. I kept you away from it for not only your own benefit but mine. Just like you did with yours. And I'm not trying to say it was the right thing to do, for either of us, but that's how we coped. I know you trust us, and I know that just because you didn't and continue to not open up about us with your dad doesn't mean that you don't. Just like because I didn't tell you about mine means I don't trust you. Because I do._ I_ just, couldn't do it."

Kendall sat in a stunned silence, processing what Logan had told him.

He couldn't deny that it was true. He'd been pretty shitty to people when his dad left, and continued to be bitter about it now. He couldn't blame Logan for wanting to keep that part of his life away because he was ashamed of it.

"I'm sorry," Kendall sighed resting his hands on his knees and face buried in his palms.

"For what?" Logan asked confused.

Kendall shrugged, "Everything, anything. I get it. I'm sorry for being a sucky best friend."

"You're an awesome friend Ken, of course you are. I'm sorry for not letting you in,"

Kendall looked up at him, tears forming at the corner of his that he willed to cease. He pressed his palms further into his eyes as if trying to block out the pain that threatened to spill. He shouldn't be getting to emotional. He shouldn't be letting all these emotions flood him, over power him until he couldn't think straight. Everything he had kept inside for years threatened to spill out. Logan was brave. Braver then he'd ever hope to be.

Logan had opened up, he had let people in. Why couldn't Kendall do the same?

"He was an addict you know," Kendall whispered, afraid of the world hearing his most concealed secret.

Logan looked to him puzzled, but sat in silence and let the blonde continue.

Kendall took a shaky breathe, "For years he dealt and used all kinds of things. Things I can't even say and things I don't want to try to comprehend. When I found out, I just… it made sense you know? The constant mood swings, the black outs, the rages. He would leave at insane times of the night pissed off then come home days latter happy with presents for me and Katie. Then the cycle would just start over again. I was happy when he left, I mean I was only nine, but I was glad. He was gone and he wouldn't hurt Mom or Katie. I didn't understand at the time. I didn't understand drug dealing or why he was gone but he was gone. That's all that mattered you know?

"I mean I couldn't really care less why or how he was gone. It was some deal gone wrong I think. I don't even know if he went to jail or an asylum or some drug help place. I don't care honestly, I never want to see him again," Kendall whispered to Logan.

Logan put a hand on Kendall's back and soothing rubbed circles. Honestly he couldn't believe he had just said that too him. Kendall never spoke of his father, ever. Logan wasn't even sure of the details about what had happened. Until today he was under the assumption that something messed up had happened and Mr. Knight had left. Suddenly he felt like he wasn't alone in his experience, Kendall had been through so much that was so similar. Kendall had been carrying around this burden, afraid to let the world know.

"Kendall," Logan said.

Kendall just shrugged, "I've never told anyone that before,"

Logan could now see the tears silently falling from his leaders eyes. He pulled the blonde into a hug which he greatly returned clutching Logan for dear life.

"I'm sorry," Logan said.

"Me too," Kendall sighed.

Logan smirked into Kendall's collar bone, "I suppose were both kind of fucked up."

"Just a bit," Kendall laughed.

"No more crappy secrets?" Logan asked when they pulled away. He was sick of this mask they all held. It had to stop. It would slowly eat them away from the inside and spit them out three times worse if it didn't.

Kendall nodded, "No more crappy secrets."

He smirked and there was a silence over the room for a moment, "This got awkward now didn't it?" Kendall laughed.

Logan laughed along with him, "Yea,"

Kendall smiled, "How's your nose?" He asked trying to change the topic. As much as he did want to let his best friends in more, the atmosphere he had created was awkward and a tad embarrassing from completely breaking down like that. While he wanted nothing more than to be able to let people in, he knew for all of them it would take some time.

Besides Kendall wasn't much of a 'sharer'. He preferred to use his fists rather than words. Unfortunately he had never caught on to whole 'make peace not war' and found himself more of an 'actions speak louder than words' guy.

"It's okay" Logan answered remembering why they were here in the first place.

"Liar," Kendall grinned nudging Logan in the shoulder.

"Shut up," Logan retaliated nudging the boy back.

"Okay Logan, I finally found the doctor and he can now look at your nose. Finally." Mrs. Diamond exclaimed entering the room with a stern looking doctor who honestly made Logan want to hide behind Kendall.

"Hi Logan, how's your nose?" The man asked.

Logan tried not to groan out loud in frustration.

**Yes I know that took me forever. I'm sorry. I hope it was worth it. I'm doing exams right now so I'm hoping to finish some more of BTS II and start BTS III very soon and have it posted soon as well. I can't wait, I'm loving writing at the moment. I'm in the biggest fluff mood (which is weird because this kid of lacked that) and I can't wait to make Kendall completely suffer *insert evil laugh***

**Okay now Paralyzed better be on Elevate, because I've been looking at some of the track listing and it says its not on there. ITS MY FAVORITE IT BETTER BE ON THERE! **

**I saw the three musketeers on the weekend, it was awesome! Logan Lerman is freaking hot! :D **

**Reviews mean the world to me so it would be awesome to find out if you're still even reading this story :P **


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